Ten Tonne Terrible.

Weight is a big issue for me at the moment. Currently (and for the last couple of years) I weigh about 12¼ stone. Back in 2006/07, at my healthiest and most active, when I was climbing very regularly and pushing myself, I weighed about 10½ - 10¾ stone. So I've put on at least a stone and a half. For a 5'8" midget this is A LOT. Is there any need to explain why this is such a big issue for a passionate and dedicated climber?? I thought not. What is more useful to explain is why I am in this state, and what, if anything, I can do to get out of it. There are several possible reasons why I might have put on so much weight, but which ones are the real reasons??

Age:
Some people have said, in a semi-resigned and slightly teeth-sucking way, "Well that's what it's like getting old". I don't really see any evidence or reasoning for this in my case, and since there are extremely clear reasons for my weight gain that exactly coincide with when it started, while "getting old" has no specific coincidence nor abruptness of change in the last few years rather than the previous few, I am certain it is not a factor.

Diet:
Several people have speculated, seriously or otherwise, that my "Glasgow diet" is the cause of my weight gain. The truth is quite simply that my diet has improved since I moved to Glasgow, because I have been more careful with it - I eat less unhealthy foods and less wildly varying portions than before.
E.g.:
Sheffield - often sausages and pastries for breakfast;
Glasgow - usually have cereal and/or toast.
Sheffield - used to buy packs of mini-chocolates for snacks;
Glasgow - usually buy packs of fruit and nuts.
Sheffield - would sometimes have Scotch Eggs and pork pies;
Glasgow - never eat them.
Sheffield - would often have creamy puddings / treats;
Glasgow - usually bio-yoghurt if at all.
Sheffield - used to eat badly/sporadically in the day and have huge evening meal;
Glasgow - eat more regularly and try to reduce meal sizes.
Sheffield - would have starter/main/rice/bread for curry, and attempt to eat them all;
Glasgow - only have 2/3 of the previous and never stuff myself for the sake of it.
There are a few exceptions: I tend to have takeaways slightly more often, albeit with smaller sizes, I sometimes have a Snickers bar as a daytime snack, and I often have diet soft drinks instead of fruit juice and fizzy water. BUT the improvements I've made far outweigh those. Diet is not a factor, if it was I would have LOST weight in Glasgow.

Medication:
I have been on Citalopram since late 2009, just after my DVTs. This is anecdotally known (and possibly clinically proven) to affect weight (usually weight gain) by affecting metabolism. The period of weight gain exactly coincides with the period of being this medication. Furthermore, even before I was aware of this as a possible cause, I was aware of a change in my metabolism as my body temperature (previously running fairly warm) had been fluctuating wildy, from hot and sweaty in bed to often surprisingly cold outside (especially my hands - not affected by DVTs). Although not proven, my gut instinct this is definitely a main factor.

Inability to exercise:
My ability to do simple calorie-burning, weight-reducing CV exercise has been HUGELY reduced by having DVTs. Back in 2008 when I had my elbow injury, I wasn't out climbing much and started putting on some weight. I started running, which was hard at first, but I improved well, used the simplicity of going out for a run to get regular exercise and lost weight. I simply cannot do that any more. With sealed iliac and pelvic veins, when I run or walk uphill, my legs cannot return the de-oxygenated blood quickly enough through the adjacent superficial veins, my heart cannot pump around blood that isn't there, my lungs can't supply oxygen to a system that isn't moving, and I quickly grind to an exhausted halt. This is an absolute mechanical limit, irrespective of previous or current fitness. I tested myself once, and while previously I could comfortably do a 40 minute road run, my current absolute maximum is 10½ minutes. This similar applies to walking uphill (simple exercise, usually as part of a climbing day out). I estimate I am working at 20-25% of my previous leg fitness. Imagine going for a 4 mile run around Burbage and only being able to do 1 mile as the utterly exhausting limit. Or imagine walking up to Stanage Plantation and having to rest just after the plantation trees otherwise you would collapse. That is exactly what it is like. Then imagine facing that for the rest of your lift, with no possible surgical or medical intervention, and almost certainly no improvement ever. This makes it EXTREMELY hard to do enough CV exercise to reduce weight, and it is definitely a main factor, probably THE main factor.

Less regular climbing:
Although I cannot do the most simple and beneficial CV exercises, I have found that the regular active climber's lifestyle has definitely caused periods of minor weight loss during the last few years. In particular, 12 days in Sweden, even with their minimal walk-ins, had me at the healthiest and lightest I was all last year. I think this is partly due to lots of climbing but partly due to the general level of activity on a full day out climbing. Unfortunately in Scotland this regularity has proved hard to find, mainly due to the often consistently wet weather that prevents it (the best areas for regular climbing are in the wet West, and there is too little local climbing for regular mileage). Particularly given how bad 2011 was, this is definitely a factor. Actually, thinking back to 2008 and how the temporary cessation of climbing increased my weight then, it too is a main factor.

Less active scene around me:
Related to both of the above, the climbing scene around Sheffield and the Peak District is strong and diverse (if curiously reluctant to escape the Peak itself) and I usually had enough people to climb with and friends to train with and even do fitness stuff with, which was of great benefit to keeping me going and keeping me motivated. In Glasgow the climbing scene is insular and limited and it's been a struggle to find friend people to fit in with. Eventually I have found a few people to regularly climb and train with, but not so many of them, and no-one to do fitness stuff with. When I do have people encouraging me and inviting me out and sharing mutual syke, I know it helps me keep active (beyond just having people to do routes with), so this is definitely a factor.

So:

Age, Diet - NOT factors.
Inability to exercise - The MAIN factor.
Medication, Less regular climbing - Other MAIN factors.
Less active scene - Additional factor.

Next time: What I can and am doing about this. Or trying to.

Three things...

...that say it all:

1.


2.


3. (An oldie but totally timeless)

DARK MAVIS says:
FUCKING BOLLOX BRITISH FUCKING CUNT WEATHER
DARK MAVIS says:
FUCKING WET ALL NEXT CUNTING WEEK
DARK MAVIS says:
CCCCUUUUUNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Fiend says:
they should quote that on metcheck

Abortive attempts at Auchinstarry, determination at Dunglas.

I've been to Auchinstarry 3 times in the last few weeks, with the intention of trying something a bit more challenging i.e. Nijinski. Day 1 - warmed up, showered off. Day 2 - warmed up, showered off. Day 3 - warmed up, showered....but it passed. Oh hurrah. That meant I actually had to try it....obeying the inexplicable exhortations of my soul.

[Talking about souls, or rather the lack thereof, one thing I notice when reading about Nijinski is the vast hordes who have top-roped, or most usually attempted to top-rope it. This is....both highly vulgar and even less explicable. It's THE standout line and classic bold head-game LEAD testpiece of the Central Belt, what on earth would possess someone to waste such a quality climb by top-roping it, at very best a pointless no star muscular exercise?? As it happens when I turned up, lo and behold there was someone dangling off the end of a rope, scuffing their way around the crux with clearly no concept of the challenge involved nor the ability needed. I couldn't resist and politely suggested that if they can't do it, there was the obvious alternative of not doing it (why do people always miss this option?) and instead doing one of the superb mid-grade leads scattered around the quarry. They probably thought I was a complete cunt - "Hi, I AM a complete cunt" - and there was muttering to that effect, well, I have strong beliefs in aiming for quality climbing experiences and encouraging people to do so, rather than low quality abuse of something they shouldn't be anywhere near. This isn't a fucking climbing wall and Nijinski isn't a 3 star classic for fucking aiding your way up on a top-rope. Thankfully they packed up pretty shortly and disappeared....a bit of a sour taste was left but not as sour as if I'd kept hush and not put my real life money where my online mouth is.]

Later on I got on the route for a look. Many years ago I'd watched Grimer starting this (onsight but with pre-placed wires IIRC) and thought the lower arete looked quite worrying. When it formed in my mind as a possible idea, I was more worried about the highball start than the crux - but protected - finish. I was wrong both ways, the highball start is piss as is gaining the gear slot, and the upper crux seems inexplicable, blind, and very hard. Having teased in no less than 8 microwires into the so-called gear rack - of which 2 were actually good! - I felt fine with the fall potential but not with the failure potential. I got stood on the quartz ripple a few times (and reversed), but got bored with not knowing what to do next, so finished up Death Is...

So yeah, I asked people to not top-rope it in the context that it really should be led onsight, tried to lead it onsight, and had to escape off. What a cunt?? Well, no, not really. I was prepared to put myself out, to commit to it, to give it a go, to try to raise my game to the level the climb deserved. I was there standing on the ripple with a collection of tiny wires a few yards to the left, not sitting on a rope from above. I didn't manage it this time but I have a strong belief in the experience I am aiming for and aspiring to....I think I'll wait until I'm a better climber before I go back.

And next...


Next day I was bored with quarried basalt and trad too (a bit jaded after two good weekends at Northumberland and Polldubh) and fancied a change rather than a rest so what better than confusing, blind, over-bolted, loose, green and freezing cold esoteric sport climbing?? What better indeed. We went to Dunglas for a few hours and played on the new micro-sport wall. A bit like many such places, it's a bit crap and a bit good at the same time. It's everything I wrote above, but it's also hard, powerful, and pumpy for short routes, and therefore good training, which is sometimes all you need. Did a few routes and a couple I had to fight a bit on, so that's good. Not sure what's next but mixing it up is definitely the way. Although as usual it looks like the weather will have the final word in the near future.

So this is me...

...fucking crippled.

I've had some medical check-ups in the last few days - vascular surgeon and haematologist appointments, with the usual anti-coag and doctor's appointments in between. I had some long discussions with the vasc and haem specialists, following a second MRI Venogram in December, and the summary is:

- My IVC (main vein from my lower body to my heart) is sealed and there is no possibility of opening it (this was to be expected).
- The clots in my legs are dissolving slowly, and will continue to dissolve over the next couple of years but...
- ...they are still present and are likely to be there for years if not lifetime (this is contrary to what I was told in Sheffield).
- The iliac veins in my pelvis are completely blocked and could remain blocked permanently.
- The surrounding collateral veins are taking up the blood flow and will develop over time (a long time?).
- There is nothing chemical nor mechanical which can be done to open these veins up nor speed up the process.

All of which explains why:

- I'm currently at 30% of fitness for running, and 20% for walking uphill, there has been little progress with this.

Which fucking sucks.

As if ONE fucking sealed major vein wasn't enough.

I asked a lot of questions and got the same answers each time: There is nothing that can be done, and my body will dissolve some but probably not all of the clots over time. What fitness I'll get back is completely unknown - it is likely to be more, but no-one can predict how much more. I'll be on warfarin for life, and continuing exercising a lot will be beneficial in helping clot dissolution and over-developing the collateral veins.

All of this encourages me to train hard, push myself harder, go on more trips, explore more, and tick BIGGER FUCKING NUMBERS. As much as my often-fragile mental state will allow - but whilst this might have ruined my leg fitness, it's not ruining my life nor my climbing.

Fucking hillwalking.

Yeah what FUN. Legs and lungs burning after 5 minutes, every step feeling like I'm going to puke my lungs inside out, having to collapse and rest every few minutes before my pounding heart knocks out my balance and I fall over. Whose fucking great idea was this??

Oh yeah, it was mine.

And all of the above crippled flailing around indicates I do really need to do it.

My climbing fitness has come on well, general walking is okay, strength is good, swimming fine, skiing fine too despite my legs getting a bit achey, running is....bad....but not nearly as bad as hillwalking. Hillwalking sucks and I suck at it. However climbing doesn't suck and I don't suck much at it, and unfortunately a lot of climbing is found on top of hills, so really I need to be able to walk up to get to it. So I'm going to have to keep trying I guess...

I think next time I'm gonna take my discman, I've got enough death metal and gabber to fit my mood. This will help take the pain away...

Un-niversary.

(Last weekend, but still relevant...).

17th August 2007 - the dismal sodding 2007 summer ends, as I start off an excellent Indian Autumn of high quality inspiring climbing throughout the whole of the UK for a few great and reassuring months. A significant date as the start of a period that confirmed that I can climb what truly inspires me (2006 started that, 2007 eventually confirmed it).

17th August 2008 - the dismal sodding of 2008 summer continues unabated, as I visit a minor Lancs quarry with the intention of continuing getting some mileage in to try to retain some climbing fitness and compensate for still being utterly fucking crippled by my elbow injury, only to find it's seeping and despite the forecast being better than the previous day, there's showers coming in already. Retreat to even more minor Peak limestone crag to try to salvage something out of the day and fail on piss-easy route that I would have considered an trivial warm-up last year.

Failure, dismal fucking failure, how much do I hate it?? This time I had the decency to descend into a proper swearathon temper tantrum (something which I'd sort of grown out of....but needs must...). Unlike previous "dismal fucking failures on piss-easy routes that would have been trivial warm-ups before", this was not a case of laziness and not being bothered - I'd actually set a firm intention to climb this route and climb it well. This was the familiar (and despised): cowardice, lack of commitment, inability to deal with stress, spiralling negativity, etc etc. Which always drives me almost speechless with anger and upset, and this time is no exception. Although the route was insignificant compared to others, the whole purpose of this "mileage" time is to get into good practise, good habits, to climb well in preparation for an eventual return to fitness. The whole point of THIS ROUTE was to climb it well (which I didn't), deal with the stress (which I didn't), and to get into a habit of positive climbing (which I didn't).

So an un-auspicious continuation of the debacle...

(For reference, going back in the years: 17th August 2006: pissing around in the summer heat, although sandwiched between a trip to Ceuse and some cool exploration in the South-West; 17th August 2005: broken foot, still unable to walk properly, okay THAT was more shit! albeit after a great trip to South Africa; 17th August 2004: general depression following accidents and stuff, another fairly poor pottering summer; 17th August 2003: general good climbing for the time; 17th August 2002: pretty cool exploration around North Wales and elsewhere; 17th August 2001: just getting back into climbing....mileage on summer grit would you believe it.)

Can someone please fix my elbow and the weather so I have some positive stuff to blog about, ta!!

Ivy.

Snailpot says:
I think you should write about the ivy in your blog

Okay... I've been having to sort out some ivy recently - got a serious ivy problem at the Fiend crib. Approximately 1/3 of the way through this epic task, I have achieved the following injuries:

1. Chipped tooth after pulling something off and hitting myself in the jaw.
2. Gashed chest after getting stabbed by a broken ivy branch.
3. Possibly damaged rib/sternum from the force of that same stabbing.
4. Cuts over my lower legs.
5. Friction burn on my shoulder.
6. Sore throat and rough lungs from breathing in dust and shit.
7. Increased pain in my elbow injury (definitely worse than most easy trad climbing).
8. Stomach ache due to the bile this stupid activity raises in me.

And can draw the following conclusions:

1. I fucking hate gardening (I knew this already though).
2. I fucking hate ivy.

It is an pointless, insidious, uncontrollable, mindlessly malevolent, destructive, offensive, house/property-raping bitch of a plant. Anyone who plants some under some deranged pretence that "it looks nice" or "it will make the property more homely" or other such bullshit, needs shooting. And the person who planted here, well they need shooting by ME. Repeatedly. In the genitals.

I wish there was some way I could exact more revenge on this stupid fucking vegetable other than tearing the whole damn lot down, chainsawing the roots to nothing, letting it all dry out and burning it to fucking ash, but I don't think there is. Not without taking more pointless, life-wasting, effort, which is partly what I hate in the first place.

Anyone know any napalm wholesalers??