Utter pessimism?

Regular readers (you poor fools) might notice that I occasionally pass comment and critical analysis on the weather, and given I'm living in Scotland and trying to climb good trad in great areas, such comment tends to be contempt and such analysis tends to be justifiably extremely critical. This moaning and whining and ranting is quite simply a natural reaction to an often ridiculous state of affairs, and whilst it might not make good reading, it does make necessary writing.

It also seems to attract bizarre and outrageous accusations ranging from the spurious ("You chose to move to Scotland") to the obscene ("It's just the weather why moan about it") and downright defamatory ("You are totally wrong about last year's washout"). I'm not sure how people can get away with such....libel but at least I can set the record straight.

To set the setting straight, let's be clear on what "good" weather necessarily entails in the context of Scottish climbing. Given the whole point of Scottish climbing is trad climbing (cragging in my case) in the Highlands and Islands, taking in the approximate Elipse Of Extreme Excitement from Glasgow to Mull to Ardnamurchan to Skye to Lewis to Sheigra to Ardmair to Creag Dubh to Glasgow, naturally enclosing the areas of utmost importance like Glen Nevis, Torridon and Gairloch.

Good weather doesn't require months of amazing conditions, long summers of hot dry weather, or any other spurious nonsense that fools might accuse me of expecting. It DOES entail having two or more consecutive dry days in that area, when the rock is dry enough to climb and the season is warm enough for trad. NOT long periods of sunshine and showers where you might just sneak in a route per day when the rain stops. NOT single days interspersed with rain which is fine if you're a local but plain unfeasible for a 4 hour journey. NOT an amazing spell in December when it's dry but below 0'c. NOT good weather along the East coast as while there is good climbing there it is a wet weather escape and often dry in the East is wet in the West.


Look! Scotland in the sunshine! Isn't it pretty! But in a climbing context... This is the start of March, still too cold for normal trad - that doesn't make it a good year. This is after a day of heavy showers and light snow, not a sustained period of dryness - that doesn't make it a good year. This is down near Stranraer, notoriously escaping the wetness that blights the most important Scottish climbing areas - that doesn't make it a good year.

So, two or more consecutive dry days with dry rock. Preferably three or more for Skye, or a short week for Lewis. Quite a low standard so even more ridiculous when Scotland fails to meet it. In that context let's look at the last couple of years and the climbing days I got out during the spring/summer/autumn period, in the Eclipse Of Excellence, on 2+ day trips:

2010:
April: 2
May: 3
June: 4 + 2
July: 0
August: 0
September: 6 + 3
October: 3

= 21 North West 2+ day trip days.

Bear in mind there was plenty of shit showery weather throughout the summer. By English standards this was fairly mediocre. By Scottish standards it was probably normal, and actually tolerable. Also bear in mind I spent all of August pissing around at Dumby so might have missed weather windows then.

2011:
April: 4 + 4
May: 0
June: 0
July: 2
August: 0
September: 0
October: 0

= 10 North West 2+ day trip days.

Bear in mind that this year I had more keen climbing partners and more determination to explore areas, as can be seen from taking advantage of the single month of summer in April. However I did miss a short dry period in early July, though that would have hardly caught up much.

Hmmm. Even I hadn't realised how low this was! Nor the difference. Suffice to say that when I say last year was bollox I am....totally right.

Despite my utter pessimism I will still keep my fingers crossed for this year, of course. Because despite it all, Scotland is ace and Scottish cragging is ace :).

Wankshitting hidden holds at Weem.

A free day and a decent forecast and two syked partners. I was keen to get somewhere either new and exploratory or with some rad challenges to get involved with. But the team-of-three-ness and a slow start precluded that, and Weem seemed suitable to keep the momentum going with convenient logistics (although it is a bloody hour and 40 minutes from Glasgow even with the new super-awesome fully open M80).

THe Secret Garden crag certainly is secretive, and the disorientating maze of rhodedndron (sp!) carnage and uselessly vague guidebook instructions made us glad of our personal tour guide Simon to lead the way, albeit sans requisitory machete. Once at the crag it was a pretty good day ticking almost all of it. I felt pretty fine on the trickier routes, and the blind and balancy schist is fairly relevant training.

The one that got away, well you'll never guess from the title, but it had a hidden fucking hold. I was up and down over this big roof so many times. Lots of holds, that soon ran out and ended up in the wrong place to pull over on some flat sloper notch thing. So many times trying to get the seemingly suitable hand on that hold. One final lunge for it it, one slump on the rope, one brief glance of the hidden slot on the right side of the hold, one piss-easy graunch over the lip. One small tourettical burst of swearing....for about 10 minutes. Ah well. Cheating fucking route ;)

Gaylord chosseering at Glen Clova.

Glen Clova:

• Lots of mid-grade climbs to go at.


• Good location and outlook.


• Nice sunny but exposed position.


• Strenuous but short approach.


• Decent area of the country for weather.

But...


• The only problem being the climbing is a bit shit.

Fiend:

• Lots of mid-grade climbing experience.


• Good personal inspiration and outlook.


• Nice ability to work out positions.


• Short but capable of strenuosity.


• Decent determination to chase best weather.

But...


• The only problem being HIS climbing is a bit shit.

Less of a "maintaining standards" session and more of a "maintaining a complete inability to progress even slightly" session. A previous session at Ratho had me feeling surprisingly unpunterish but once on real rock with the real prospect of climbing above real trad protection and really actually getting a vaguely tricky climb done, the gaylordness - and complete lack of overall fitness - was out in standard force. I did manage a couple of easier routes tho so there is some mileage there. Also got to recce plenty of Clova for future potential - i.e. there isn't that much that looks super-awesome enough.

Learnings from this session: more determination when tackling trickier routes and definitely more fitness training.

Backlog Bollox

Holy arse on toast it's been a long time since I posted any ramblings on here. The main reason being that things have been a bit bollox with weather, car trouble, partner mis-organisation, general slothfulness and other malaises.

Things I haven't done recently include:

• Got back up to anywhere inspiring in the North West or North East.


• Booked any rad and awesome trips away.


• Climbed much that has been particularly challenging or progressive.


• Kept up with training hard at the gym.


• Kept up with training hard at the wall.


• Followed my concepts for having a great climbing year.

Boo.

What a choad.

What I have done is sat on my arse too much, and then a bit of the following:

Horribly Weak at Harper's Wall
The low point of this year if not my life. Not only did I have to resort to climbing a VS, I actually enjoyed it. Ugggghhhhh. VS. Fucking hillwalking.

Breezy Cruising at Brown Crag
Obviously the above was completely unacceptable. So, after a good night's sleep and a strong coffee, Phil and I headed down to Brown Crag to see what we could do. The initial plan was to go back to square 1 and get some good E1 mileage there. As it turned out, conditions were good, the vibe was good, I was suitably wary/prepared for the steepness, and slowly eased my way into E1 5a, E1 5b, E1 5c, E2/3 5c, E2/3 5c, which whilst only just above hillwalking / descent route level, did actually feel like climbing. All pretty nice routes too.

Kinda fun at The Keel
I arranged to climb with Stuart. He suggested The Keel, a new local sport climbing crag on the Aberdeen coast. Ugggghhhhh. I expected something that would make Boltsheugh look like Ceuse. Really the last sort of place I'd want to go on a decent day with a plethora of trad available. Nevertheless I went along to give it ago, cos he's a nice guy, I might get some good training in, and maybe persuade him over to Coble Boards afterwards. As it happens although The Keel was short, steep and scruffy, it was long enough to make leading feel pretty worthwhile, and the climbing was actually kinda fun and it felt good to get involved and get a decent workout.

Casual Flailing at Carrock Fell

Each time I go to Carrock Fell it seems to be in bollox conditions. This time I thought previous bone dry days plus a forecast 10-20 mph Easterly wind would encourage some sort of friction but alas no. The rock was dry but my skin wasn't and although it was cool-ish there was a vague mugginess that ensured a brief session and a determination to revisit more in winter.

Going Okay at Glen Ogle
More local days, blah blah. Went up to Glen Ogle to sample fresh breeze and afternoon sun and it was pretty good despite it being blind rounded dusty slopey obtuse schist at it's almost worst. Nevertheless I climbed okay, highlights being a near miss on a slopey F7a - had actually committed fully to the moves and was 0.0000001 seconds away from getting a jug when I lost balance. Good that I put the effort in rather than wimping out but annoying it was rewarded with failing anyway. And a near success on the classic E3 crackline which was easy on all the steep bits and tricky on all the slabby ledgy bits and while never actually hard was sufficiently obscure enough I very nearly came off on dusty rock but somehow persuaded myself to adhere. Not so much a fun romp as a good exercise in staying calm.

Chilling at Cambusbarron
Finally went to Camby just for something to do, and that something to do seemed to mostly be lounging on my mat enjoying the sporadic sun. Did one warm-up route, tried a supposed easy E3 that was utter nails, backed off in a confused micro-huff, decided it was too still / tiring to try anything challenging and blah blah.

SoOoOo....what next to sort this debacle out. I'd love to say "more Highlands and Islands awesomeness" but I doubt the diabolical weather gods will be that kind. I certainly need to keep up with my concepts for dealing with shitty weather. I also need to train a lot more, and follow up some leads for a climbing trip abroad. Better get my arse off the toast and into gear then...

Blah.

Stuff going on, sorry.

Have been doing some interesting climbing stuff but no coherent thoughts to post on it (like that usually stops me, LOL). Maybe soon.