Outliers

Here's a video with strictly NO big numbers, no epic first ascents, no tales of struggle and victory, no scintillating exposition about the philosophy of the bouldering journey, and of course no drone footage no close-ups no slow-mo no choppy edits no coffee-making and no driving to the crag.

Just 39 off-piste Snowdonia classic boulder problems from 6A to 7A in 32 minutes, set to a soundtrack of uplifting jungle, serious techno, and bassy ambience.

Here's the deal: The "Outlying Crags" section (i.e. away from Llanberis / Ogwen) in the new fantastic North Wales Bouldering bible has grown 20-fold in the last decade or so. So whilst you could be queuing up to get run over after falling off The sodding Edge Problem, you could also explore a vast number of areas from the reasonably well known to the fully off-piste. And that's exactly what I did, and I had a bloody great time, and I wanted to show it off to other people. There's a few more things I wanted to fit in but ran out of weather, and thus maybe there will be a follow-up at some distant point. One thing I learnt was that the quality and variety in North Wales Bouldering is truly great, even if the conditions aren't quite as convenient as Albarracin ;).

The video kinda says it all, solely by the medium of pure simple climbing footage. The only other thing to add is that I'm pretty chuffed with the (hopefully accessible) soundtrack which took quite a bit of effort to segue etc but makes it a lot more fun I think.

Since this early Autumn excitement, the weather got terrible, I got manflu and then injured my back doing weights on de-oxygenated legs after running to the gym, then all of the above cleared up and I went out on the grit recently and it was mostly terrifying but I'm pretty psyched to keep going at it during winter and early spring...

The state of climbing 2019.

A factual analysis:

PROS:

• Ground Up guides - especially the North Wales Bouldering bible but also in general. Elegant, functional, and characterful, I like the consistent subtle prose and descriptions.
• The amount of indoor bouldering walls around - God knows we need them with this weather. Hurrah for commercial populist bandwagons that actually provide some good fun and good training.
• Beta chalk - getting harder to find because like all good things people want generic crap instead, but still as deliciously crunchy as ever. I had to go back to using Metolius SuperChalk when I ran out of Beta and it was like finely powdered butter on my fingers. Drying agent my arse.
• IFSC - constantly entertaining throughout spring summer and autumn. Production values are now nearly matching the exceptional climbing and (mostly) setting values and even Baldy Boscoe's commentary has transcended tolerable and is actually sometimes good. WTF did I watch before this was on regularly??
• South Stack - still the illest. It only took one route to remind me how deeply wonderful Red Wall was. My plan to live their for 2 months over the autumn failed dismally though. The best "roadside" adventure in the UK if not the world, and all quite amenable too.
• Peaks / Yorkshire sport climbers - quite surprising given the  pointless, miserable, unaesthetic, repetitive, puritanical work ethic sub-genre of climbing they're so addicted to, but actually mostly a nice and welcoming bunch. Being able to mix and match and share ropes and chat (blah blah polished crimp blah minging undercut blah blah polished knobble etc) with random strangers was a relaxed sociability I'd almost forgotten about.
• Building patios - a bit naughty but oh so nice. Not talking about Hayward's "let's build decking structures the size of a Swedish chalet in a sensitive nature reserve and then make sure they're hidden in all the topo shots" at Fontainfawr, just common or garden reshuffling of ground level blocks and stones. It's the closest to gardening I come these days thank fuck and sometimes more fun than the climbing. I particularly enjoyed dismantling the patio beneath My Private Idaho (hard lineless eliminate) at Crafnant and rebuilding it beneath Riley's Arete (mid-grade classic prow) - redistribution of patio For The Many, Not The Few!
• The amount of techy slopey weirdness indoor problems - generally because it means that walls are setting with half decent holds not the dismal old style Core and Holdz shite. But also they're quite fun and sometimes fat weak people with some outdoor nouse can do them.
• Dogs at crags - far better than people at crags. Infinitely better than squawking kids (how did those idiots get their trio of rampantly shrill grubs down to Moat anyway??) Apart from that one Buster at Trollers, he was a bit of a dick.

CONS:

• Alan James - gets his knickers in a twist because I post a polite but critical reply about the content of an article. Bans me on the basis that all I do is post negativity BUT SOMEHOW KEEPS THE OFFENDING POST UP - perhaps because it's got far more total likes/dislikes than the original article post AND has caused enough discussion for my name to crop of 41 times in the replies. Hope you're liking those page views, user engagement and advertiser views that my "ban-worthy but not censorship-worthy" (how the fuck does that work??) post was getting you. Then demands me to justify why I should be let back on the forum. Tell you what Alan, if you just apologise for your double standards and using my post to keep the discussion flowing whilst simultaneously banning me for it, I won't ask you to justify how you can get away with abusing forum moderation (I reviewed the UKC forum guidelines to know full well that I didn't contravene them) that much.
• The amount of indoor wall boulderers around - cunts, the lot of them. I don't know what's worse, that they all got into it indoors and are all vacuous shallow gym bunnies who aspire to go to the Plantation or Almscliff and think that Malham is the epitome of adventurous roped climbing (and clearly don't know how to brush the fucking holds indoors nor out if they ever get there) or that because they all got into it indoors, they're all far far stronger than I'll ever be, regardless of age, gender, body shape or stupid floppy hipster haircuts. Arseholes.
• Videos full of choppy editing and shoehorned slo-mo - I'm amazed this is still a thing, but apparently "unwatchabley annoying" is still an important ambition for today's budding Youtuber. What part of their brain thinks "I am filming this problem, and the movement looks really cool, so midway through I'll chop out random sections of the move and glue the rest together so it looks like my camera was malfunctioning, yes great idea. Maybe I'll slo-mo one hand slap out of the remaining 50% of unedited movement just to make it more jarring". Because I want to carve their fucking skulls open and burn out that part with acid until they actually use some fucking sense. Also special shout out for anyone doing a trailer for a po-faced pretentious bouldering film and then a teaser FOR THE SODDING TRAILER. You aren't making a $500 million Hollywood movie, get a grip.
• The weather - two days of heatwave or occasional dryness followed by two weeks of pissing wank isn't weather, it's shit on a stick. Where the stick is also made out of shit.
• The Climbing Hangar - One of the 3 out of 37 indoor walls that I've been to that enforces a strict shirt-on policy (presumably they don't allow girls just wearing sports bras either), and since the other two are council / general sports run, the only one apparently run by climbers, but clearly not for climbers who actually want to train, on a damp warm summer's day, by pulling hard. The reason behind the rule?? "It's just wall rules" Why?? "Because it's the wall rules".  OH JUST PISS THE FUCK OFF. Incidentally on the subject of how intimidating shirtless males must be, out of all the possible choices at The Boardroom (good wall, no stupid rules, go there instead), a dad and young daughter chose the shirtless meathead to ask to take a few photos of them in front of the wall. Oh the intimidation! Oh the horror! FFS.
• Mundane shit VLogs - The great thing about the internet is anyone can make and share content. The terrible thing about the internet is anyone can make and share content. And yes that applies to climbing VLogs too. Climbing footage is fine, personal videos are great, but if you're going to wrap it up as some heavily commentated fucking "lifestyle" diary, it better be remotely interesting and exciting. The same old same old with a lot of filler and some fucking blethering shite into the camera - FFS get your snout off my screen, if I wanted talking heads I'd watch some TV chat show, I want to see cool climbing, not some over-hyped dross. Bonus anti-points if you're spamming it all over social media without the slightest though to it's relevance or value. 
• Road cyclists - One of the main things putting me off moving down here. What's the point having 20,000 Peaks and Yorkshire crags on your doorstep if it takes all day to get there because you're stuck behind a flotilla of matching-logo lycra-clad cunts swarming like a cloud of road-based midges on their poncy fucking roadbikes that cost more than my Audi and weigh less than Paul B's toe, weaving around to ensure than any attempt to get past them and get to a crag in the same day you set off results in a head-on collision with a tractor and the self-righteous twats videoing it to smugly post on a Indignant Road Bikers 4 Justice 4 Ever facebook group. Thank fuck I can go the other way to Helsby or Wales. As for climbers who have partly given up and are focusing on road cycling more....don't get me started, there aren't enough swearwords (I'm running low already).
• Bog - I moved down to Scotland to avoid this malignant entity*, and yet somehow it's floated down after me. Wankerish stuff. Particular fuck off to the bog that I trod in in my freshly re-proofed £35 Decathlon waterproof shoes over the ankle twice, so they filled with brown slurry and the waterproofing must have worked because it wouldn't drain out. (* actually the malignant entity I moved down to avoid was Scotland itself).
• The lack of old school board-style indoor problems - Jesus fuck does EVERYTHING have to be techy slopey weirdness these days?? What if you actually want to train by pulling on holds and don't want success entirely dictated by hypothetical conditions in some grimey warehouse sweatbox, combined with a specific 3 minute window after setting when a hold has been chalked but before it's caked in gank, plus some bloody yoga-like flexibility and teetering on some random textured skin-scraping shelf. You can have too much of a good thing, try adding some actual holds FFS.
• People missing off UKB - You know it's in a bad state when people actually start replying seriously to Mr ScrapeScroat's threads the poor buggers. Bring back Dense, Dave, Cofe, Scouse, Jasper, Sloper and several others, I miss their banter and discussions. I'd even tolerate the return of Slackbot as long as he didn't actually post anything.
• People who don't go trad climbing - you're all disgraces. Do you think I want to be scraping lichen and moss off with my teeth, just because you're so lazy and cowardly that you'd rather be polishing up the Catwalk or burying Trackside under chalk ALL THE SODDING TIME instead of getting any variety and breadth in your climbing. I've been in away in Scotland for years and you slackers have let everything slide into the over-eroded vs neglected-and-filthy dichotomy. Rubbish.
• Speed ""climbing"" - the biggest piece of turd in the history of colossal pieces of turd. It's scarcely worth my contempt - but it gets it anyway.

So there you go. Objective science. You read it here first.

Two Years Of Total Yuck.

Hopefully this won't be reposted in 8 years time and entitled "A Decade Of Disease" or some such horseshit. It's now two years since I contracted gastroenteritis and never fully recovered - and still am not, although I am recovering (very slowly, mostly the nausea bouts have been sparse enough that I can stockpile prochlorperazine - at least until last week when I had two sleep-deprived nights in a row, ugh). Still it's been two fucking years and I'm not exactly thrilled about that, apart from generally feeling unpleasant, I feel like a reduced version of myself. Fiend V2 (post-DVT), sure there's 30% remaining leg fitness and 15% additional weight gain, but the spirit and sanity is generally intact. Fiend V3 (post-GE) ...is not quite himself. Not so much a shadow of his former self, but a slightly greyscale version.

People often highlight the silver lining benefits of going through injury and illness and indeed that is sometimes the case. For me, going through DVTs encouraged a fight and determination that I was previously convinced my flaccid moral fibre lacked. The bad soft-tissue leg injury at the same time as GE - I found patience dealing with it, and doing a steady job of healing, and trained my upper body well. Double tennis elbow - frustrating but I found some cool slabs.

The GE and subsequent "Post-Viral IBS Of The Upper Digestive Tract" (a catch-all term for something in your upper gut is b0rked and no the NHS has no idea what to do with it), well let's look at the pros and cons of that:

Pros:

+ Learnt a bit about the sensitive and complex workings of the gut that I never wanted nor previously needed to know.


Cons:

- Reduced sense of self
I just don't feel like myself. A bit wishy-washy maybe, but it's a constant feeling that I'm not me, I'm me with this disease inside...somewhat unclean (even more than normal), and inhibited.

- Reduced reliability
Because I can struggle to plan in advance of my insides are bad, and have to change and cancel plans.

- Reduced energy
Just more tired and less physical (and sometimes mental) energy.

- Reduced levels of activity
Due to less energy but also timeouts due to queasiness / indigestion, and making less big plans than before.

- Reduced pleasure in food
Mostly being on a much more restricted diet, with occasional general wariness about eating.

- Slightly increased weight
You'd think a restricted, healthier, lighter diet would help me to lose weight, but no. I've gained a bit, presumably because my body isn't digesting food properly and putting on weight rather than giving me energy.

- Inconvenience of trying to eat on the go
Obviously convenient snacking isn't usually healthy, but hey it's convenient and works fine as part of a normal diet. Unless of course you can't do it. Food out and about is more of a pain.

- More susceptible to stomach bugs
For obvious reasons.

- Increased food expense
Having to avoid cheap staples and cheap enhancements, and buying more "luxury" healthier food to make it remotely palatable. Added to the cost of nutritionist, naturopath, counsellor, etc......

- Increased depression and vulnerability
A combination of feelings about many of the above factors, along with a direct emotional effect of when I have nausea bouts, which can be debilitatingly prominent and upsetting.

- Reduced sociability
Because a fair bit of my socialising revolved around good food and good coffee. I'm not a boozer, but I relish sharing a good meal, a fun pub dinner, a nice strong coffee and pastry. Or rather, I did...

......

(In fairness there's a few things it doesn't seem to affect - I don't seem any more prone to illnesses like common colds, nor injuries (the tennis elbows were down to plain stupidity), and my cognitive faculties are fine as are my sleeping habits (despite needing a bit more)).

None of these issues, apart from maybe the lower energy and depression, are major in themselves, but culmulatively they actually make the post-GE situation more inhibitive and harder to cope with than the at-the-time "life-threatening" and subsequently "crippling" DVTs. Thus is the nature of the gut (and brain).

Yes this is me moaning again. Yes get a whole fucking orchestra of tiny violins (they can be the soundtrack to you clicking the Back button on your browser). Yes people are in much worse situations - and they can write about that themselves. But for me, as a dedicated climber, this is part of my situation and part of my climbing (which partly got wiped out by it in spring/summer 2018 and bits of early summer this year). Do all those cons above sound good and beneficial for the climbing lifestyle?? Errr. No.  Am I getting "used to it" and plodding on?? A little bit. Am I still healing?? A little bit. Am I healing quicker than I'm getting used to this bullshit situation?? I fucking hope so. I've accepted being Fiend-with-DVTs, I've no intention of accepting being Fiend-with-perma-PVIBSOUDT - because that greyscale version really ain't me.

Well maybe just occasionally...

Levels of engagement.

This is something I have been pondering on for a wee while. When we go out and climb, or attempt to climb, a route, it's often not as simple as that. There are ways to dabble and test the waters, and ways to be fully committed to a determined ascent, and ways in between. Simultaneously subdividing yet simplifying, one can characterise 5 (possibly not definitive) levels of engagement with a route:

1. Just looking:
Visiting the crag, seeing the route in the flesh, inspecting from different angles, learning about aspects and angles and conditions, and quite probably pondering deeply on it all.

2. Playing around on the start:
"Playing around" as in starting the route with a distinct possibility and likely intention just to see how it feels, learn a bit more, and cleanly downclimb and leave a more determined attempt until another day.

3. Engaging without expectations:
Starting the route but this time continuing without a fixed expectation of success, only an expectation of giving it a good effort and seeing what happens, balancing out a desire to succeed if possible with an acknowledgement it might not happen.

4. Getting to the top:
The "normal" one. Climbing the route - cleanly, onsight, of course - and (hopefully) succeeding in getting to the top and doing the whole thing, without any particular standards of smoothness or elegance.

5. Climbing the route "well":
Not just getting to the top, nor just underperforming and climbing so far within your limits that something looks effortless. But rather, having a good challenge, and doing a good job of doing it right: the optimum tactics and attitude, a good battle, and a pleasurable experience.

All of these have their merits, whether it's for being a canny climber, going on a journey, aspiring to good style, tackling a challenge. But of course there's different mindsets, different rewards, different suitabilities for different situations. Getting stuck in particular approaches may not always be as beneficial as flexibility.

One thing I've personally noticed is how I tend towards particular engagements more than others - and why:

I do a lot of 1 and 2, ostensibly under the guise of clever tactics and gathering information, but often more honestly because I'm scared of committing, scared of the challenge, scared of the stress, scared of failure (even though deep down I know how wonderful fully engaging will be). So I convince myself I've done something useful while "onsight inspecting" a route and walking away, and sometimes that is genuinely the right decision, sometimes it's avoiding the issue, and often I don't know which.

I also, when I've got bored of the faff and run out of reasons to put things off, do a fair bit of 4, once I've got the level of challenge and conditions (personal and external) just right. Often with a fair bit more faff up and downing en route, the usual panic and sketching until I realise that it's okay. And that's still great in itself. Very rarely, I engage with 5, where I get things right and do a "bloody good job old chap" and feel that my personal performance and pleasure on that route was spot on. That's nice when it happens, but there's plenty of mental clutter and clart that gets in the way of it.

One level of engagement I almost never do outside is 3 - engaging without expectations. Inside, sure, I mix up many route sessions with a couple of 7a++s where I deliberately set off saying "I'm almost certainly not going to do this, but I'm just aiming for a massive pump and a good fall" (often swiftly followed by actually doing it). Outside, only in redpointing do I say similar "I'm going to give this a good burn, climb as well as I can, and if I don't get to the top, I'll have got the sequences smoother, maybe refined my beta, and got a good workout". In fact I said EXACTLY that the other week when I was trying Haslam (without the off-route rest ledge) at Trollers, on my 5th redpoint burn of my 2nd session. I actually did the route, but success on the route paled in comparison with my success in my attitude before starting.

But for onsight trad....engaging without expectations.... Hmmm. Where I might fall and fail and blow that precious onsight?? (Or, maybe, might have a clear-headed enough determination to do it??) Gulp. I haven't mastered that yet. I don't think I've even tried. I did briefly have it in mind a month or so ago on a minor, tricky, and very inspiring route. I said it to myself before I set off, but the idea lasted until it got a bit tricky just on the cusp of no return, and I managed to grovel back to the ground and my comfort zone of Engagement Level 2... Sure there were some factors like tiredness from bad warm-ups and sore skin. But at some point it would be beneficial to try it seriously (serious fun?!). It's a tricky one because firstly onsighting routes is genuinely, deeply, and fundamentally the most pleasurable to me - it's no shallow ethical posturing, it's a real gut feeling about how right and rewarding that experience is. So it's hard for me to be as casual and carefree about that aim as might be ideal. Secondly, it's a difficult balance - I'm always treading a fine line balancing out challenge with the likelihood at success, and I've got pretty good at that tightrope act (no, not that sort of "tight rope" you bellends), in particular aiming for and being inspired by challenges I have a decent chance at. Choosing routes that are tricky (and safe) enough to engage without expectations, whilst amenable and desirable enough that I stand some chance of doing them and thus can give them a good determined effort (rather than flopping off at the earliest "I know this is way beyond me" opportunity) will take some of that off-resorted-to pondering.

But you never know, I might get there some day. Always something to learn, even if it's an old dog struggling with new tricks....

Mix And Match.

Sorry for the lack of updates. I've got a couple of vaguely philosophical things to write but also blogger's block about actually putting sweaty fingertips to keyboard. In the meantime I have actually got to Wales a bit more satisfyingly regularly than previously during summer, and even finally managed to climb at South Stack after a month and half of trying to rally any troops to join me - and of course had wonderful route experiences that have fully confirmed why it's so important to visit this area once the bird bans are off. Truly the best "roadside" (not cafeside as it's currently being rebuilt) adventures in the UK. I've only done Rapture Of The Deep and Natalie so far, both highly entertaining and excellent Type 1 fun, and both in warm mid-September weather that gives me hope that any settled spells in mid-October will provide even better conditions to prolong the pleasure.

In contrast, I've mixed and matched those jaunts with an essential "double celestial phenomenon" Llanberis Pass tick of Quasar and Pulsar, both the polar opposite of the South Stack sheningans, and both great in their own more predictable and more powerful ways. It's been really nice to dip into such variety of the single / two pitch trad climbing spectrum. On the other hand my stamina is still completely fucked from a winter / spring without training and compounded with too much redpointing which is fine for 3 minutes of rehearsed power-endurance and absolutely rubbish for actually hanging on to anything for more than 5 seconds, so I'm not really doing anything properly challenging, but I'm doing the right sort of stuff at least.

The side-dish to this surf and turf smorgasbord (a big fat rolly polly seal at Gogarth, a mocking stalking sheep in the hills) has been a flavourful serving of blocs, courtesy of an exceptionally extensive menu in the North Wales Bouldering "put one's deadlifting training to use" book. I've tagged a bit of exploring onto trad trips and had a disproportionate amount of fun out there - there really is classic quality on the Welsh boulders, as long as you stay away from the Cromlech and Cave, of course. I hope the current tiresome sunshine and showers bullshit will abate enough to continue that too. In the meantime, some random images....

A Decade Of Disability.

"But you're not properly disabled"

"But you're lucky in many other ways"

"But you can climb F7a, squat 100kg, etc"

"But there are people who are seriously crippled"

Etc etc.

I know all that shit. I also know my own situation and that's what I'm writing about. If you don't think I've got something to write about, imagine this:

• You've been running sporadically for a dozen years, just gentle road runs. You go out one evening. It's a good evening - clot sites don't ache too much, lungs aren't crawling up your throat. You manage 1.5 miles / 2.5 k, maybe 16 mins total with a 45 second walking section in the middle....it's a good evening. 
• You go out another evening, same run, it's fucking murderous - legs like lead, lungs like drowning, it takes 2 x 1 minute walking sections and you barely make it. 
• You walk in to The Cromlech - the easy left hand way, no rack, just one half rope and everything else minimised, walking poles for aid. 4 rests? 5 rests? 6 rests? Something like that. 
• You've stopped speculating on whether this - fitness - will ever progress, because it physically cannot. There is no possible major improvement.
• You go to a Rolo Tomassi / Gojira gig, spend too long standing around, moshing from the waist up. Your legs ache for a couple of days after, you keep looking down and checking the engorged collaterals, hoping they're still working.....because if they're not, there's no plan B, no other venous return.
• You watch your weight creeping up and up and your physical climbing prowess creep down and down - an inevitable consequence of limited aerobic training options, unfortunately combined with difficulty dieting due to digestive issues, and difficulty focusing on remaining possibilities due to depression.

It's now the 10th year anniversary since I was released from hospital after spending a few weeks incarcerated while my sudden DVTs were investigated. A whole fucking decade eh. Looking at the decade, I've done pretty well. I've done some amazing climbing and exploring, some decent training and gymming, one disappointingly singular skiing trip that went great, and a reasonable amount of approach walks all of which have been distinctly inhibited and arduous but I've hauled my rotting carcass up there and usually up some rock face once I've recovered.

As I often say to people about living with this, yes, very minor but yes very real issue: I spend 50% of the time just not thinking about it and getting on with stuff, 25% of the time thoroughly frustrated and pissed off at it, and 25% of the time happy and satisfied that I've done so much despite it.

This year, this anniversary (unlike the first year anniversary celebrating a fairly smooth catching up), the percentages are maybe skewed the other way towards frustration and pissed-off-ness. I'm still going, yes, still on the rock after hobbling in to get there, but things are going fairly mediocrely at the moment, factoring in the digestion and depression. Heavier than ever and as unconfident as I've been in recent years. Probably just a natural lull, but frustrating as I've stacked the odds in my favour with the move to Manchester (now THAT is worth celebrating) and a fairly sensible injury recovery, and not really capitalised on that in terms of proper climbing pleasure. Still, I'm keeping myself going with redpointing bollox (fairly fun and physical), and still aiming for a decent autumn....

Trwyn Maen Melyn

The rock type is apparently "Gwna Melange" (unless Pantontino made that up in a sleep-deprived guidebook-editing haze) and the crag classic is The Bardsey Ripple. If you think these sound more like exotic Welsh ice-cream flavours, then that's a fair view of what to expect from the crag - imagine ALL the rock types of the Lleyn mixed together and frozen into a concreted wave of the upmost weirdness. But somehow it has the highest ratio of "surprisingly solid" to "looks alarmingly semi-detatched" in the area, quite fortuitous given the angle. The guidebook descriptions needed sorted for a couple of routes and some of the stars are estimates but it really is a lovely spot. Approach etc via Lleyn CC guide or North Wales Rock, check BMC RAD for bird bans but they don't seem to affect this bay.

Headstrong E2 5b *

Start from the giant block (the white speckles are quartz not bird poo), and follow a line leftwards out to the edge of the wall. An easier lower line might be possible.

The Incredible Surplus Head E3 5c **
Start from the giant block, climb steeply up to bisect TBR, continue even more steeply up via the head and finish leftwards with much pump.

The Ideal Hom Experience E2 5b **
A good irresistable line. Ideally start at the base of the corner behind the blocks, or at high tide from the block itself. Climb the steep corner via the featured rightwall to bisect TBR, continue via an undercling to escape rightwards into a bay, the far corner being the obvious exit.

Isis In Orbit E3/4 5c **
Another good, very direct and steep line. Bridge up between the boulder and the right wall of TIHE, then continue up the wall on various fangs and boulders to regain TIHE at it's crack and undercling. Climb direct into a well-positioned niche and pull out directly through the steepness to finish.

The Bardsey Ripple E2 5b ***
Brilliant and bonkers, traversing the intrusion to take in the best of the crag. Start in the cleft of QB, bridge up then drop down and swing swiftly leftwards to gain a groove. Follow this then escape around the left rib to gain the intrusion, and follow this all the way to the left end of the crag with much exposure, elation, rope-drag etc.

Stoned Immaculate E2 5b *
Superceded by TIHE and TBR, but should still be fun. Start as for TBR to the groove, the continue direct to gain the bay of TIHE. A direct finish from this might be good. The "bouldery start" described in the book would be much harder and more serious (E4 6a and paddable?).

Queer Bar E3 5c **
Another great line. Start in the mighty cleft and squirm up it to get some respite above, the continue through the obvious bulge above. Can be very greasy, giant cam useful.

The Ungradeable Donkey E3 5c/6a *
A shorter route, but varied and interesting. Start a few metres up the ramp from QB, at an RP slot and high hold. Crank past the bulge onto the slab of rock that's escaped from Holyhead Mountain. Continue to the break then climb up the interesting crunchy groove to pop out rightwards. An easier start is possible just right, while the "start as for Queer Bar" described in the book is illogical and would be much harder.

The Eyes Have It E4 6a *
Climb the obvious diagonal break from right to left, with a very steep finish.

The Bardsey Shuffle E7 6b **
Wild and aesthetic. Start as for TEHI until the TUD groove, then break out left onto the very steep wall via the giant embedded eyes to finish up the crest.

10 year moratorium.

As some eagle-eyed viewers may spot, I am quite keen on normal traditional climbing i.e. looking at the book, looking at a route from the bottom and maybe side or top, pulling on to it and trying really hard to get to the top first time - let's call this "onsight" climbing, without prior knowledge nor experience of the route. I'm less a fan of the spurious ego-wanking attainment-entitlement toss-wittery of picking something you want to achieve or tick but you're not actual capable of, not trying to improve to be capable of it, and avoiding the whole issue by inspecting or practising it - let's call this "pre-failure", without even giving it a normal attempt to fail on gracefully. I even sometimes vocally promote the former over the latter (subject to the usual disclaimer about it being less applicable to cutting edge "beyond current onsighting levels" routes and especially new routes, because despite the gargantuan levels of idiocy required to mis-extrapolate that, some people really are that stupid - you know who you are).

So far, so unsurprising. Also unsurprising is that I promote the former in a "spirit of the law, not letter of the law" sort of way. It's all about the experience - the best, most rewarding, most honest, most true-to-self, experience. There's lots of potential nitty gritty about the ethics - or style, if anyone gives a flying belay-ledge-shit about that linguistic distinction - that roughly codify that experience. Lots of potential UKC "Peak vs Peaks"-style cure-for-insomnia pedant-debates about "if a mate throws up a cam you've forgotten, is it onsight?", "if you downclimb to a rest ledge and take your shoes off to rest your feet is it onsight?", "if you ab down, wirebrush the fuck out of it and preplace the gear, but you'd shot a testtube of crack into your ringpiece* before doing so, is it still onsight?" etc etc (* - nb a prerequisite for taking part in such debates).

In fact it's a grey area, with the shades of grey being fairly obvious to anyone with half a brain who gets that experience. But still they are many and varied and shades and sometimes one gets strange results...

Take a climber. He has just climbed a cool bold route. He abseils down to strip the spaced gear as his partner doesn't fancy seconding it (the same partner that despite being a much better climber neglected to mention that he had previously been rescued of a rest ledge on his attempt ahem). On the way down he casually glances across at an adjacent much harder route, spying the crucial mid-crux RP placement and noting that it seems good, as does a sporadic hold. He doesn't test the size, pull on the holds, nor attempt any sequences - a literal quick look. Yet so much crucial information is revealed that would make a massive difference to the confidence in climbing it. Enough of a different experience so of course he walks away, does a couple of boulder problems, and drives home.

(That was me, doing Pillar Of Judgement, and looking at Judge Dredd at The Nth Cloud)

Take a climber. He's at a crag choosing a route. He looks at his friend's guidebook and picks a mild testpiece. He sets off from the bottom, pulls on some holds, places some gear, works out some moves, cranks through a pushy bulge, reaches the top. All good honest fun. Except when he comes to "tick" the route in his own, battered and abused, guidebook, he notices the shock of "X - PF" . He's previously failed on the route, presumably pumping out and not committing on the crux bulge, presumably slumping and lowering off the gear. He has been there, on those holds, placing that gear, pulling those moves. But not only can he not remember enough to constitute any prior knowledge, he couldn't even remember having tried and failed at all. He calmly rubs out the cross and replaces it with a tick.

(That was me, doing The Prophet at Cummingston)

What does it - all this 3rd person verbosity - all mean?? It means that the concept of the retro-flash, the amnesia-point, letting the onsight grow back, is very real. And if you're honest with yourself, and have genuinely forgotten any prior knowledge that could change the journey, the experience is very real. Honesty is the key, as is forgetfulness - I seem to do okay at both.

This relates to my current situation insofar as I'm back down somewhere where I've previously climbed a lot, and thus as a cowardly punter naturally previously failed a lot. Dividing my existence into pre-Scottish-exile and post-escape-from-the-frozen-North, there is an elegant decade gap between climbing and failing back then and climbing and failing now. Thus my 10 year moratorium - if I failed on it in my previous incarnation, I almost certainly can't remember anything useful, so it is fair game in the spirit of the ethical law.

Bring on the retro-flashes!

The Novelty Wears Off

I make that 24 days now...

1. Min Pistyll & Llechau Mawr with Helen
2. Y Grisau with Magpie
3. Craig Y Merched with Coel
4. Y Foel Penolau with Emma
5. Ffridd & Moelfre with Emma
6. Col Crag with Tezza T and Coel
7. Ramp Crags & Foel Wen with Coel
8. Graig Isa with Pylon Kunt
9. Foel Wen & Colonel Jones Wall with PK, Stannerz and Jerry
10. Foel Wen with PK
11. Y Grisau & Llechau Mawr with PK and PeteJH
12. Father's Day Crag with PK and TT
13. Crawcelt on my own
14. Clip with Smelly Fox
15. Craig Bodlyn on my own
16. Craig Swn Y Nant with PK
17. Carreg Fawr with PK and TT (who got us hopelessly lost)
18. Llawlech with PK, Stannerz and TT
19. Ysgor Y Gwn with TT
20. Two Tower area with TT, PK, and Stannerz
21. Craig Bodlyn with PK
22. Bwchan Woodland Crag with PK and TT
23. Craig Galch with Coel
24. Carreg Y Saeth with Coel and Purkle

Maybe one can have too much of a good thing?? Even when it looks this good...

I was pleasantly accosted in the Ynys Etws CC hut the other week by various people who either knew me as "that Fiend guy off UKC" (no no, I'm his twin brother and not nearly as much of a complete arsehole) or had actually read this blog or both. Which was nice - good chat! During the course of the conversation on ethics, exploration, and everything, the sentence cropped up "no offence but I'm not sure I'd entirely trust your word on particular routes....". Honestly. Really! I was mortified. As if my route / crag judgement isn't entirely objective and scientifically accurate??

After all, what clearer indication of a climber's sanity and judgement than spending 24 days total climbing in The Rhinnogs, 22 of which were after extensive DVTs and most of which were while being based in Scotland?? Swerving past the reliable accessible honeypots of the Pass and Tremadog, dragging friend and foe through boulders and bilberries for the promise of some 10m hollow-starred hidden gem that Martin bloody Crocker soloed in the rain after shunting and then completely misgraded without the slightest concern for what it would actually be like for the mid-grade leader?? Exemplary evidence of a balanced perspective, surely...

In my actual defence, I do know when esoteric is esoteric, and it sometimes looks like this...

But the Rhinnog novelty might be wearing off. It was cool to explore there yet again, stumbling through heather, downgrading previously unrepeated Leo Houlding routes, etc. But the crags were a bit uncouth compared to some of the genuine gems I'd visited previously, and the feel of the rock and climbing was a bit less exciting. This may or may not have something to do with Carreg Y Saeth (above) having the worst crag base I've ever been to in those hills, and one of the worst sandbags - on the apparently solid-starred Koh-I-Noor, which must have been "confirmed" by someone either 6'6" or who thinks that Font 6B bloc is a standard finish to an E3. It also may have something to do with running out of appealing places to explore. Looking forward, Mur Y Tonnau, Y Clawydd and Craig Morwynion look amazing on paper but their Northerly aspect guarantees lichen, a plan to downgrade all of Williams & Kerr's 5m HVS at Cefn Cam has already be done by Tezza T who might be putting them in his bouldering guide, and errr, that's it?? I might be tempted by a return to the genuinely excellent Y Foel Penolau and maybe a solo recce along the ridge near Clip... Maybe TT will reveal some reliable gems. Maybe PK will persuade me to some wire brush nu-routing after he's had a good session belaying me on the Lleyn.

But maybe it's time to head back to somewhere legitimately great. Like The Range, of course...

Craig Galch

A little Rhinnogs outlier update for you...

Craig Galch 
(pp 359 of Meirionydd guide)
A crag with a lot going for it on paper: open, sunny, quick drying, with a nice crag base, impressive rock architecture and a exceptional view over the estuary right down to Harlech Castle. But... There's not many climbs, the rock is a variable flakey quartzite sort that might preclude further development, and the approach is potentially arduous. Expect a combination of Rhinnogs atmosphere and mini-Gogarth/Lleyn climbing.
Approach:
Cross the bridge from Penrhyn, turn left on the A496 and park carefully at the second entrance on the right with a rusty iron gate. Follow this rough track through the woods as it steeply zig-zags up the the lone cottage (friendly residents if in-situ). The crag is obvious due North, the approach less so. Go through the two cottage gates, turn left, and follow a grassy "peninsula" into the boggy-looking plain, aiming towards the crag. At the ferny left end of the peninsula, cut across the bog towards a cluster of small trees to pick up a faint path through the opposite ferns. Follow this over a low wall then onto a heathery ridge towards the crag. Go over a notch in a wall and cross a small boggy valley, then follow the hillside on the left, below an obvious buttress (unclimbed crack and arete, flakey rock) and contour around to the main crag.
0.8 miles, 25 mins, 150m alt gain, good track then some tussocks and ferns, potential bog.

Left Buttress
Bat Capers E3 5c 15m
Now defunct due to hanging death fang at final roof.
Bat Attack E3 5c 15m
Now defunct due to obvious rock fall at final roof.

Main Crag
Large and full of all sorts of weird angles.
Descent: Scramble to the top and descend easy gullies / slopes to the right (facing in).

First The Worst E4 5c 25m
Line is not obvious. It appears to be a thin flake in the sidewall of the corner left of FRZ??
Frank Zappa RIP E3 5c *** 25m
The giant central alcove provides an excellent route with some creative contortions.
1. 5c 17m Ascend easy rubble to the alcove, then bridge up the corner past a bulge to some respite at the roof. Perform a counter-intuitive insertion into the hanging slot out left and pop out to a fine belay to witness the second's shenanigans.
2. 5b 8m Tiptoe rightwards along the hanging slab to an exposed au cheval position and better gear on the arete, then crank straight up to finish. Spike belay well back.
(Down to E3 5c as it is indeed shockingly easy)
Kneebar of Eternal Justic E5/6 6a ** 25m
Line makes sense according to description, joining SE briefly at the ledge and good flake before a direct finish.
Subservient Elephant E1 5b ** 25m
A fine sea-cliff adventure weaving up the sidewall to gain the same exciting FZR finish. Good positions and excellent rope-drag potential. Start just right of FZR and climb the bulging groove above an inconvenient hawthorn to gain a break/ledge at 7m leading left. Follow this to a good flake and swing up and left to the FZR shelf (possible belay). Take a deep breath and teeter out right to finish up the arete, as for FZR.
(Down to two stars as although the positions and finish are fine, the rock is a bit crude and climbing disjointed)
Fearsome Worrier E1 5b ** 25m
Line is not obvious. It appears to go direct from SE's left to the roof, move right and maybe tackle the incredibly obvious but unmentioned groove above??

 Subservient Elephant

Subservient Elephant (also the finish of FRZ)

Spanner In The Works

When is a trad climb not a trad climb?

....when it was protected by a thin, drooping, tied off spanner, and is now protected by an inch-thick, drilled and vertically cemented spanner in the same place. Thus turning an iffy situation into designer danger. I'd backed off Spanner Wall 13 years ago, a combination of approaching from the left (which made the crux a groundfall if the then-dubious spanner spung) and a warmish day. This time I approached from the now described right hand crack, placed the side-runners as high as I could without moving an inch off the line, and then wombled out to discover you could bivvy off the spanner. I enjoyed it anyway, particularly calming down and cooling down before the crux reachover. Has something been lost by this incarnation of the fixed spanner, though??

A nice bit of gay-legging on an underrated gem at the Pits.

I also enjoyed this other route - quite good value for ledge-shuffling! This day started grimly as early queasiness had me curled into a ball waiting for the prochlorperazine to kick in, but when it did I felt okay for an entirely afternoon, and although I was in ultimate bumbling mode, it was pleasant mileage.


When is a sport climb not a sport climb?

Delicious and nutritious, and a daintily smaller portion for the sportclimbing anorexophile. Best seasoned with a portion of battery acid or preferably arsenic for such climbers who then slag off a specific person's weight / appearance as part of a serious debate, and think they can get away with apologising because "they didn't know the person had medical issues" and being "sorry for being childish", instead of apologising for being cruel, overly-personal, and utterly fucking obnoxious. NB the target was not me in this case.

....when it was protected by this, until good old Seb took a spanner to it to tidy up the crag a bit. No doubt back in the day this was lined up along with rusty pegs, frayed tat, and coathanger hangers for that quintessential Great British Sport Climbing experience. The ceaseless tide of consumerist climbing has had a frothy silver lining in that this is now protected by nice shiny screw-in ring-bolts. This was down at Moat, the hip new place to be dangling off a bolt and queuing for routes. To be fair it is lovely down there, the friendly cat loitering around Cressbrook, the lurking fishes, the mum duck and 3 ducklings paddling by, a swan coming into land like a Hercules transporter crashing in the river, flocks of sheep moseying on down to the far bank. At some point I'll actually be able to start my own redpointing there.


When is a climber not a climber?

On the outside, I look like Fiend. Sometimes, on the inside, I feel like this.

....when he's got more fucking spanners in the works than a ramraid on Halfords tool department. Since last update's debacle, the status quo of "bad head, improving elbows" crystallised into a nice clear plan: More falling practise to fix the former, more brutal limestone to take advantage of the latter, both of which to gain fitness and confidence to get out there and tackle The greater Range and suchlike.

Instead it's panned out like this: Digestive relapse cancelling some days and making others unreliable, regular partners not interested in the lime, Purkle not able to belay me on falling practise, joining in the exclusive and elitist Peak Sport Climbing FB page to find 90% of people only want to go to the Tor, getting to the lovely Moat Buttress twice with some of the other 10% but only in teams of 3 so getting almost nothing done, getting out on a mileage day with Purkle to find the easier mileage was shit and the harder inspiration was unbelayable, getting back to that harder inspiration that I've wanted to for 13 fucking years and feeling too emotionally drained to commit to the moves before watching (well, half-watching) my climbing partner "just go up to feel what those holds were like, just out of interest" and piss all over it like it was a trivial warm-up, finally getting out on a mutually acceptable day with Purkle, ending up at Harpur with a million mileage options and perfect weather and walking away due to migraine. Etc.

The digestive relapse, after steady improvement over the winter and a notably "clear" March has been demoralising. Being mildly but chronically ill with something that very directly affects my moods, preys on my personal squeamishness, is unpredictable and has no obvious cause for reappearing....is grim. On the rare days where I haven't had some issue and felt digestively normal, the clarity and freedom of my mindstate has been utterly obvious, and highlights how much this affects me. To try to deal with this, I've contacted a local nutritionist AND naturopathic doctor for consultations.

In the meantime, I'm trying to do what worked for me last summer: high intensity, relatively high effectiveness (compared to Easy Trad that makes me weak, if very happy), low stress, low logistical committment sport-or-similar stuff. Looking through the haze onto the positive side of things, at least I am in an infinitely better location to make the most of that this year...

Unsuitable Genetic Material.

Sometimes I wonder why the hell I chose climbing. Short, sweaty, fatomorph with a head full of bullshit from day one - bullshit that manifests itself not in a dancing-with-death willingness to run it out miles above filed down RPs in a loose flake, but in inhibitions, handbrakes, self-sabotage. Why would such a person choose an activity that instead suits the polar opposite: lithe, lean, leathery people with a light spirit (bastards). I should stick to deadlifting and making Quake levels.

Then I remember I didn't choose climbing, it chose me. It came up, out of nowhere, while I was innocently painting Orks and mentally warming myself up for getting into computer gaming (here's a pro-tip for you guys: lead figure painting, regardless of it's other merits, is a clearly terrible basis / background to start rock-climbing from, compared to say swimming, running, cycling, gymnastics, martial arts, yoga or indeed any other activity whatsoever). It came up, when I was still even terrified of 8m abseils (the first time I tried at school, I was so scared I burst into tears), insidiously whispered "Why don't you try going up instead of down", and in a state of confused late pubescent vulnerability I listened and took the drug it was peddling and I was hooked.

Fast-forward a couple of decades and I'm still hooked which explains why I'm hanging off an awkward break sandwiched between a rounded scoop and a rounded arete wondering how I'm so sweaty and so stressed and how the hell can I deal with this. It doesn't explain how some time later I'm hanging off the rope and bomber protection right next to one obvious, if slopey, move to easier ground, having got partway through that move before simply giving in to the mental and physical discomfort and doubt.

No....the bullshit in the first paragraph explains that. The genetic make-up of my psychology - it's been there since birth (along with the sweat glands and ticking timebomb of an aplaisic IVC), nature not nurture, my parents didn't know what the hell to do with me, sometimes neither do I. I certainly didn't at that moment.  The frustration of making the same mistakes after those decades, the same inhibition, the same handbrake, the same self-sabotage that left me disgusted rather than exhilerated - why would any mind choose that course of action?? Because it's weak and flawed and gives in and takes the "easiest" course of action to "escape" the discomfort in that second, rather than striving to overcome the discomfort.

Later on, it's all a bit clearer if still equally unpalatable, hence writing this, hence trying to remind myself to keep learning the lessons I've been trying to for decades. Some of these lessons are general, some a bit more specific. In the problem - question - opportunity methodology of The Rock Warrior's Way which I've dug out to revisit:

Problem - I was scared of falling or committing to a situation where I might fall.
Question - Why is that this case when I've tackled that before?? Because I haven't been training overall and thus haven't been doing falling practise (maybe 10% of normal this winter).
Opportunity - Remember that falling practise, like any training, must be maintained to be effective (I'm physically weak due to lack of training, so clearly I can be mentally weak due to lack of training). Get back to regular falling practise indoors, and maybe outdoors.

P - I was additionally scared of getting to the next break as the guidebook had mentioned "protection does not inspire confidence" about the section. This was completely and utterly false as the protection next to me and at the break was clearly good.
Q - What can I do to deal with off-putting information or mis-information??
O - Firstly refer to falling practise!! A fall or even necessary jump from the next break would have been fine - as long as I wasn't overwhelmed by phantom fear. Falling practise would have lead to a clearer assessment of "I can commit, because I can safely fall / jump if it's an unsuitable situation" (this has worked in the past).
Secondly, always factor in my own judgement. I could both inspect the route from the side and assess the possible situation, and also know I have good gear placing skills, thus the off-putting falsehood might not be applicable.
Thirdly, take advantage of additional clarification - Dan had abbed down and cleaned this route (as had I for his route). While I wouldn't want any extra information to spoil the experience, confirmation of the guidebook accuracy would seems sensible: "Is the description and line about right??" ... "Pretty much except you probably gain the scoop from the right and the gear situation seems fine" .

P - I was sweating a lot and didn't think I could hold the crux sloper, and gave in to the doubt instead of giving it a try.
Q - Why did I do that psychologically? And could I have changed anything physically / logistically?
O - Psychologically it was once again a fear of falling - both falling per se, and falling unexpectedly off a move. Again, falling practise. But also, falling practise while attempting harder moves - and this can be even more useful outdoors, on redpointing, where I can re-learn to trust myself on harder moves while risking the fall coming off them.
Logistically, I need to remember to take advantage of any opportunity to alleviate the situation. I could have slapped my hand on my trousers or chalked either hand (I was sweaty and stressed more than pumped) or even reserved to a decent rest. I didn't - so I need to practise getting things logistically optimal.

P - I was not focused enough on success / progress as, despite contriving a decent rest, I had not recovered enough from prior stress starting the route (and thinking I had no chance of doing it)
Q - Why did I not recover my focus when I was recovering physically? Mostly because I wasn't trying to.
O - Take the time to acknowledge the changing situation while I'm recovering. Feel my body recovering  and use the consciousness of that to fuel a mental change: "I had no chance of doing it before when I was too pumped and stressed. Now I'm resting, how has that chance changed??"

In summation, I need to use indoors and outdoor sport for falling practise and trust-training, and any stressful lead as an opportunity to practise better logistics and a more aware and productive response to the stress.

To anyone who has read this far, I'm sorry, refund applications will be accepted to the usual address. Conversely, I've wrote this far so maybe something useful will come out of it...

Befontled.

A last minute trip joining a bunch of middle-aged ladies including Phil Murray, who were already out there with a spacious gite and hired pads. The weather was amazing, my climbing less so. I tried hard but a winter off any form of training proved to be fairly debilitating for power-to-weight ratio. My tactics were also a bit mixed, not resting my skin for 3 full days before going, and sometimes throwing myself at easy problems in the baking middle of the day instead of fully waiting for the contrastingly cool and lovely evenings. 

In the end I managed to have fun because Font is brilliant and easy Font is just as brilliant....

....but overall the highlights of the trip were:

1. Watching a very fluffy dog roll repeatedly and giddily through leaf piles until it was a very happy leaf pile itself.

2. Introducing Williams to a variety of exciting music genres including 250bpm gabber driving to the crag.... "Utterly appalling and beyond comprehension."

3. Moutarde avec vanille du Madagascar, who would have thought it, this is delicious.

Hmmm.

So.

The whole thing got me pondering that given a reasonable track record in Font previously (often in less crisp weather)...

Calins Du Kim 2nd go

Bizarre Bizarre 2nd go

L'Egoiste 3rd go after driving overnight

Duroxamine 2nd go

L'Oblique in 30 mins

El Poussif in an hour with a golfer's elbow

...I'm wondering why it's been so much of a struggle since those halycon days. Well those days were a decade ago and it turns out that technique is no substitute for being having functioning digestion, functioning legs, and thus being light (and uninjured). 

Further, aside from my slightly shoddy tactics, previous trips have been strategically enhanced by joining groups of experienced mates / send train bellends who have been revising 6+7 or whatever it is for their essential number-bagging ticks and thus actually know which 7As are approximately 7A and thus vastly easier than all the 5C blue slabs I was wasting time and skin on (incidentally I do remember failing to work a red 6B at Rocher Canon for a full hour before very narrowly failing to flash Calins Du Kim 7A). Knowledge is no substitute for power either but it does help a bit...

Still, this hasn't put me off. I'm already thinking about a proper winter trip back after hopefully rectifying most of the above issues (the ones I can rectify without surgical intervention, that is). 

Gritxit.

It came and it went, the natural grit season is over apart from maybe a few lucky days and a few north-facing crags. Given I moved down during the previous heatwave, getting a good few weeks of good conditions before the Easter meltdown was quite a bonus. Even more so, I'd only intended to do easy mileage due to my elbows and near total lack of strength and fitness, but as previously mentioned the only skills needed for grit are dry skin, luck, and a massive reach. So while I'll never have the latter, I managed to outwit the former mostly by sunbathing through afternoons out and climbing at dusk. And the luck, I guess I made a bit for myself by climbing routes that really inspired me.

A few samples:

Something at Hen Cloud in the baking heat. Mostly done for the photo which worked well. No gear and scrittly slopers. Alas too hot for any HC classics.

Foord's Folly at Ramshaw. This mess was all from the easy top crack, which I did in the "only bold E1 to solo" style, which was quite terrifying compared to the phenomenally easy lead option of spending 5 seconds slamming in the bloody obvious red camalot from the post crux jug and romping to the top. Instead I ground my hands into the crack to avoid the ground impacting with my body, and was hyperventilating so much my chest was aching for over an hour. This may have been something to do with finally getting through the crux start after dozens of attempts, this """6a""" being by far the hardest sequence I've ever done on anything with a route grade. Solid V5 6b. Good experience though. Unfortunately I left my bouldering brush beneath Old Fogey while recceing and scrubbing the neglected start....

The Egg at Bamford, one of my main inspirations this season in typical "Fiend gets unduly excited about a one star route lurking on the fringes of normality" vein. I went once with Ogs to recce the crag and we both got very psyched by this beautiful scoop, but neither of us was roped climbing. I went back with The Discoverer Of Planets and got spooked backing off a bad E3 warm-up and then got inspired again by the Egg just as the sun was going down which curtailed my plan of spending ages fiddling in the promised RPs in the seam, and finally back with Cragrat Rich when once again I had to wait for dusk but left enough time to discover that contrary to the guide there is only one hidden RP and the rest is sliders, flared cams, and hidden good cams out right, and the moves and overall experience are bloody great.

The end of the grit season. Mint connies at Ramshaw in a raking Easterly, but guaranteed bollox almost everywhere else. Old Fogey had only vaguely been in my sights, but I had to go back and retrieve my brush, so kinda had to do the route at the same time. Ogs advice: "You should leave your brush beneath more routes then". OF definitely deserves it's classic status, a finely sculpted buttress and a fine route with excellent "resting indefinitely while getting continually more scared" potential on the foothold just below me, and [spoiler] pushing a cam into the break before grappling with it's unnerving slopiness is highly recommended [/spoiler].

So that's that. I scrabbled around over Easter, maximising traffic jams, minimising good conditions, and mostly avoiding any good climbing, and I'm ready for some actual training before the main away game trad season.

Instawhat?

Okay I lied. I'm as much of a social media slag as the rest of you and the weather and company have been good enough to get out and get gritting on all sorts of places. Including Stanage - but enough of that toss...how about you fuckers ID the first two routes instead:

Oh and the boring Stanage toss I promised....

After this I drive back home which now looks like this:

Not bad.

We're Only Here For The Bang

6pm, I take a step... It's the same step I've taken many times in the last half an hour, but this time it's followed by a few more during the next minute. Careful, tip-toeing steps, smear to smear. And then it's over - I'm at the break, onto easy ground, at the top. An experience that has escalated from looking nervously from either side and tentatively brushing and playing on the easy start, to the eventual commitment and faith in friction of a grit slab. Bloody marvellous. 

4am, 10 hour laters, I take a step... It's the same step I've taken many times in the last minute, and this time it's followed by a few more during the same second. Frantic, rhythmic steps, bounce to bounce. And then it's over - the Horrorist's set has wrapped up and it's onto another DJ. An experience that has escalated from classic electro of One Night In New York and techno of Flesh Is The Fever to full on Industrial Strength 220bpm gabber assault. Bloody marvellous.

I went to Rivelin and I went to Bangface. One of them had frantic motion and constant noise and great intense experiences, and so did Bangface. Swirling trees provided enough shelter from the howling gale at Rivelin, and made for great conditions. A chance encounter with Mike whom I'd climbed with once in Wales...

...on an equally blowy day at Bird Rock, where having done the excellent Diamond Eliminate an attempt at a retrieval abseil turned into a 20 minute clusterfuck of knotted ropes, turned a recceing visit into some fun easy highballing and a nice little solo to finish after he'd disappeared.

And thence it was on to Bangface which needs little explanation, suffice to say it's by far the best dance music experience in the UK and just like Rivelin, being only an hour from Chez Fiend is another great boon to my relocation. Only Friday's bang this time but it went a bit like this:

Dead Man's Chest - nu skool old skool jungle techno
A surprising set from Eveson's alias. I thought he'd be pure jungle but this was an interesting blend of sort of old skool rave jungle techno in a modern style - kick and breakbeats and spacey atmospheres - before evolving into jungle. Pretty cool!

Monster X - industrial analogue techno glitchstep
A new act to me, ex-grindpunk dude turns to electronic music and maintains the same visceral intensity. Mashed up and hard hitting and maintained my interest for sure.

Little Big - rave donk pop hip-hop
Caught the end of their set. Very much the Russian Die Antwoord as they've been coined. Fun for a few mins. Alas the very cute midget from their videos doesn't perform with them any more.

Otto Von Schirach - bollox bassline
A couple of minutes of this tedious poncy bellend before I legged it.

Chopstick Dubplate - ragga jungle
I gotta say I might be liking jungle more than drum'n'bass at the moment. All about the breakbeats! This was kinda predictable jungle style but great fun. Also a nice OTT sped-up finish before...

Limewax - crossbreed hardcore drum'n'bass
On top of my ticklist for the night, and he was pretty cool. Objectively a great Bangface set mixing in all sorts of hard dnb and hardcore and even elegantly finishing with dark techno before The Horrorist. Personally I wanted more of a classic Limewax skullstep onslaught, and some of that style he played was fucking brilliant....I might have broken myself with a full set of that tho, maybe the variety is for the best!

Stazma The Junglechrist - breakcore
Self indulgent mashed up breakbeat noodling - the jungle equivalent of a set full of guitar solos. Too nonsensical for me but the crowd liked it.

Eprom - bass / dubstep
A few mins chilling out... Kinda cool sound, lots of super deep warm bass and minimal beats, wouldn't have got me dancing much but nice to listen to.

The Horrorist - industrial techno / gabber
A bit of an icon in the hardcore / techno scene for his pounding beats and militant MC shouting, definitely had to be seen. The harder last half of his set was the highlight of the night for me :).

Hellfish - gabber
A few mins recovering... classic Hellfish gabber, probably the hardest set in the main rooms. I dunno his style is good but not always my favourite and I needed to recover a bit.

[KRTM] - militant hard techno
Surprising as I thought he was normal gabber, but catching a bit of his set I was impressed, seriously stompy techno with some good atmospheres.

Dr Bastardo - crossbreed breakcore
Same record label and same pace as Stazma The Jungleponce but vastly better with a danceable flow and proper hardcore intensity.

The Outside Agency - gabber / crossbreed
Also high on the ticklist, but although good was a bit disappointing. Firstly having caught TOA for a more varied industrial hardcore set in Glasgow years ago, this wasn't quite as interesting. Secondly, the sound in the main room was a bit low compared to the other rooms (or Hellfish's set) and thus didn't quite have the energy to compensate for my lack thereof. Still a great night overall!

Saturday was a rest day...

At last!

5 years overdue I've made one of the bigger progressions in my climbing life - moving away from the wasteland that is Scotland. It was good for a while but the extreme paucity of local climbing, the unavoidable journey lengths and the minimal and often insular climbing scene all make it unsustainable in the long term - even more inhibitive than the midges and rain. To be fair, the climbing - when you eventually drag one of the 3 Scottish trad climbers who is prepared to go climbing regularly with an Englishman away from childcare duties and brave 4 hours of pootling up the A9 to take advantage of the one good weather window that decade - is truly amazing as is the scenery and solitude. I will miss those distinctly rewarding aspects along with a few good friends I have up there, the Central Belt motorway network (the singularly most first world aspect of Scotland is the willingness to actually IMPROVE road networks rather than ruin them unlike England and their """smart""" twatting jam-causing bullshit non-motorways), and Ratho and Eden Rock of course. Although we're not spoilt for walls down here.

We've moved to Manchester, home of the M60 gridlock, the M67 gridlock and of course the A57 gridlock. Maybe they could employ a Scottish Transport Minister to actually consider sorting this mess out or maybe they'll just plaster the whole fucking area with one way systems and speed cameras. It's also home to 13 guidebook's worth of day-trippable climbing (Stanage, Burbage and Beyond, Froggatt and Curbar, Over The Moors, Staffordshire, Peak Limestone North, Peak Limestone South, Yorkshire Grit 1, Yorkshire Grit 2, Yorkshire Limestone, Lancashire Rock, Cheshire Rock, Clwyd Limestone) compared to a total of one from Glasgow (half Lowland Outcrops, half Highland Outcrops South). Admittedly I did a load on the grit when I lived in Sheffield and the limestone is mostly shit, but there's still enough mileage and training options to maintain sanity. Plus North / Mid Wales in two hours and the South West arriving in the same day you depart, both significant draws. And in winter the dedicated climbers get out on the grit rather than wanking off about decaying blizzard gullies and "Are the Norries in nick yet" and other such incomprehensible BS.

Of course I can't take the slightest advantage of most of this as my elbows are still completely fucked. Tennis elbow in both of them seems to be hovering in between acute and chronic and taking advantage of the worst of both aspects - permanently sore and seemingly unresponsive to any treatment.  Climbing hard or any training are definitely out, a shite way to start the spring season. But at least being near the grit there are options to do easy pootling that is enjoyable, and of course SLABS. Thankfully I do like slabs.... Before I left the wasteland, I managed to squeeze in some very nice ones at Garheugh Port, including this highball gem which I mistakenly thought was an FA, it wasn't but I did a good job of cleaning it and tidying the base and sorting out the "experimental" grades on this slab so if you're visiting Galloway, go to it:

No more videos and photos from me for a while unless it's well esoteric, because every social media cunt and his drone saturates the web with the latest number-bagging bullshit from the grit...