Levels of engagement.

This is something I have been pondering on for a wee while. When we go out and climb, or attempt to climb, a route, it's often not as simple as that. There are ways to dabble and test the waters, and ways to be fully committed to a determined ascent, and ways in between. Simultaneously subdividing yet simplifying, one can characterise 5 (possibly not definitive) levels of engagement with a route:

1. Just looking:
Visiting the crag, seeing the route in the flesh, inspecting from different angles, learning about aspects and angles and conditions, and quite probably pondering deeply on it all.

2. Playing around on the start:
"Playing around" as in starting the route with a distinct possibility and likely intention just to see how it feels, learn a bit more, and cleanly downclimb and leave a more determined attempt until another day.

3. Engaging without expectations:
Starting the route but this time continuing without a fixed expectation of success, only an expectation of giving it a good effort and seeing what happens, balancing out a desire to succeed if possible with an acknowledgement it might not happen.

4. Getting to the top:
The "normal" one. Climbing the route - cleanly, onsight, of course - and (hopefully) succeeding in getting to the top and doing the whole thing, without any particular standards of smoothness or elegance.

5. Climbing the route "well":
Not just getting to the top, nor just underperforming and climbing so far within your limits that something looks effortless. But rather, having a good challenge, and doing a good job of doing it right: the optimum tactics and attitude, a good battle, and a pleasurable experience.

All of these have their merits, whether it's for being a canny climber, going on a journey, aspiring to good style, tackling a challenge. But of course there's different mindsets, different rewards, different suitabilities for different situations. Getting stuck in particular approaches may not always be as beneficial as flexibility.

One thing I've personally noticed is how I tend towards particular engagements more than others - and why:

I do a lot of 1 and 2, ostensibly under the guise of clever tactics and gathering information, but often more honestly because I'm scared of committing, scared of the challenge, scared of the stress, scared of failure (even though deep down I know how wonderful fully engaging will be). So I convince myself I've done something useful while "onsight inspecting" a route and walking away, and sometimes that is genuinely the right decision, sometimes it's avoiding the issue, and often I don't know which.

I also, when I've got bored of the faff and run out of reasons to put things off, do a fair bit of 4, once I've got the level of challenge and conditions (personal and external) just right. Often with a fair bit more faff up and downing en route, the usual panic and sketching until I realise that it's okay. And that's still great in itself. Very rarely, I engage with 5, where I get things right and do a "bloody good job old chap" and feel that my personal performance and pleasure on that route was spot on. That's nice when it happens, but there's plenty of mental clutter and clart that gets in the way of it.

One level of engagement I almost never do outside is 3 - engaging without expectations. Inside, sure, I mix up many route sessions with a couple of 7a++s where I deliberately set off saying "I'm almost certainly not going to do this, but I'm just aiming for a massive pump and a good fall" (often swiftly followed by actually doing it). Outside, only in redpointing do I say similar "I'm going to give this a good burn, climb as well as I can, and if I don't get to the top, I'll have got the sequences smoother, maybe refined my beta, and got a good workout". In fact I said EXACTLY that the other week when I was trying Haslam (without the off-route rest ledge) at Trollers, on my 5th redpoint burn of my 2nd session. I actually did the route, but success on the route paled in comparison with my success in my attitude before starting.

But for onsight trad....engaging without expectations.... Hmmm. Where I might fall and fail and blow that precious onsight?? (Or, maybe, might have a clear-headed enough determination to do it??) Gulp. I haven't mastered that yet. I don't think I've even tried. I did briefly have it in mind a month or so ago on a minor, tricky, and very inspiring route. I said it to myself before I set off, but the idea lasted until it got a bit tricky just on the cusp of no return, and I managed to grovel back to the ground and my comfort zone of Engagement Level 2... Sure there were some factors like tiredness from bad warm-ups and sore skin. But at some point it would be beneficial to try it seriously (serious fun?!). It's a tricky one because firstly onsighting routes is genuinely, deeply, and fundamentally the most pleasurable to me - it's no shallow ethical posturing, it's a real gut feeling about how right and rewarding that experience is. So it's hard for me to be as casual and carefree about that aim as might be ideal. Secondly, it's a difficult balance - I'm always treading a fine line balancing out challenge with the likelihood at success, and I've got pretty good at that tightrope act (no, not that sort of "tight rope" you bellends), in particular aiming for and being inspired by challenges I have a decent chance at. Choosing routes that are tricky (and safe) enough to engage without expectations, whilst amenable and desirable enough that I stand some chance of doing them and thus can give them a good determined effort (rather than flopping off at the earliest "I know this is way beyond me" opportunity) will take some of that off-resorted-to pondering.

But you never know, I might get there some day. Always something to learn, even if it's an old dog struggling with new tricks....