Hopefully this won't be reposted in 8 years time and entitled "A Decade Of Disease" or some such horseshit. It's now two years since I contracted gastroenteritis and never fully recovered - and still am not, although I am recovering (very slowly, mostly the nausea bouts have been sparse enough that I can stockpile prochlorperazine - at least until last week when I had two sleep-deprived nights in a row, ugh). Still it's been two fucking years and I'm not exactly thrilled about that, apart from generally feeling unpleasant, I feel like a reduced version of myself. Fiend V2 (post-DVT), sure there's 30% remaining leg fitness and 15% additional weight gain, but the spirit and sanity is generally intact. Fiend V3 (post-GE) ...is not quite himself. Not so much a shadow of his former self, but a slightly greyscale version.
People often highlight the silver lining benefits of going through injury and illness and indeed that is sometimes the case. For me, going through DVTs encouraged a fight and determination that I was previously convinced my flaccid moral fibre lacked. The bad soft-tissue leg injury at the same time as GE - I found patience dealing with it, and doing a steady job of healing, and trained my upper body well. Double tennis elbow - frustrating but I found some cool slabs.
The GE and subsequent "Post-Viral IBS Of The Upper Digestive Tract" (a catch-all term for something in your upper gut is b0rked and no the NHS has no idea what to do with it), well let's look at the pros and cons of that:
Pros:
+ Learnt a bit about the sensitive and complex workings of the gut that I never wanted nor previously needed to know.
Cons:
- Reduced sense of self
I just don't feel like myself. A bit wishy-washy maybe, but it's a constant feeling that I'm not me, I'm me with this disease inside...somewhat unclean (even more than normal), and inhibited.
- Reduced reliability
Because I can struggle to plan in advance of my insides are bad, and have to change and cancel plans.
- Reduced energy
Just more tired and less physical (and sometimes mental) energy.
- Reduced levels of activity
Due to less energy but also timeouts due to queasiness / indigestion, and making less big plans than before.
- Reduced pleasure in food
Mostly being on a much more restricted diet, with occasional general wariness about eating.
- Slightly increased weight
You'd think a restricted, healthier, lighter diet would help me to lose weight, but no. I've gained a bit, presumably because my body isn't digesting food properly and putting on weight rather than giving me energy.
- Inconvenience of trying to eat on the go
Obviously convenient snacking isn't usually healthy, but hey it's convenient and works fine as part of a normal diet. Unless of course you can't do it. Food out and about is more of a pain.
- More susceptible to stomach bugs
For obvious reasons.
- Increased food expense
Having to avoid cheap staples and cheap enhancements, and buying more "luxury" healthier food to make it remotely palatable. Added to the cost of nutritionist, naturopath, counsellor, etc......
- Increased depression and vulnerability
A combination of feelings about many of the above factors, along with a direct emotional effect of when I have nausea bouts, which can be debilitatingly prominent and upsetting.
- Reduced sociability
Because a fair bit of my socialising revolved around good food and good coffee. I'm not a boozer, but I relish sharing a good meal, a fun pub dinner, a nice strong coffee and pastry. Or rather, I did...
......
(In fairness there's a few things it doesn't seem to affect - I don't seem any more prone to illnesses like common colds, nor injuries (the tennis elbows were down to plain stupidity), and my cognitive faculties are fine as are my sleeping habits (despite needing a bit more)).
None of these issues, apart from maybe the lower energy and depression, are major in themselves, but culmulatively they actually make the post-GE situation more inhibitive and harder to cope with than the at-the-time "life-threatening" and subsequently "crippling" DVTs. Thus is the nature of the gut (and brain).
Yes this is me moaning again. Yes get a whole fucking orchestra of tiny violins (they can be the soundtrack to you clicking the Back button on your browser). Yes people are in much worse situations - and they can write about that themselves. But for me, as a dedicated climber, this is part of my situation and part of my climbing (which partly got wiped out by it in spring/summer 2018 and bits of early summer this year). Do all those cons above sound good and beneficial for the climbing lifestyle?? Errr. No. Am I getting "used to it" and plodding on?? A little bit. Am I still healing?? A little bit. Am I healing quicker than I'm getting used to this bullshit situation?? I fucking hope so. I've accepted being Fiend-with-DVTs, I've no intention of accepting being Fiend-with-perma-PVIBSOUDT - because that greyscale version really ain't me.
Well maybe just occasionally...
No comments:
Post a Comment