Solace??

 
So. I lost my confidence, I lost my motivation for organising away trips, I got depressed.

I came up with a cunning plan to deal with this: 

I delayed the climbing that I was struggling with, I put on hold the more complex trad challenges, relinquished them to next spring, and started to think about preparing for that in advance.

I gave myself a focus for training, taking a slightly longer term view to try to address my genuine need to have a bit more in reserve physically to tackle those challenges, and anticipating winter to be a good time for that.

I dialled my climbing back to something that was manageable but enjoyable and could contribute to progression: Logistically easy but physically challenging, mostly bouldering, often starting exploring Welsh limestone.

In short I sought solace in enjoying the physical aspect of climbing, whilst relaxing a bit and being patient and preparative.

...

Then I went bouldering on the top of the Little Orme on a bitterly windy day. One of the craglets had the cold wind raking along it and I had to wear a duvet jacket just to try to start climbing.  That was the sheltered crag - at the exposed one I could barely stand up to look at the lines and had to walk back at a 30' angle so I didn't get blown back to Manc. Back at the former I was looking for an autumn project to push myself on, and decided the best course of action was to warm up by vigorously brushing some holds (this did deceptively raise my core temperature), not tape my niggling elbow, and start working a 45' overhanging beyond-my-limit project move-by-move... 

Maybe I didn't notice how badly I'd aggravated my golfer's elbow because everything had gone numb?? Whichever way, I am a fucking idiot.

Solace - gone. Training plans - gone. Relaxation - gone.

Depression - back, with reinforcements and heavier anti-Fiend weapons.

The overall plan for this time had been: Get fitter, get stronger, get more powerful, get more confident physically, get better prepared for next trad season.

Now the imminent future is: Get less fit (and heavier?), get weaker, get less powerful, get more timid and much less confident physically, feel increasingly distant from any trad season.

...

What I'm doing of course is rehab (with good advice from Process), gentle climbing (at least gritstone bumblecircuits are quite pleasant, and indoor walls have plenty of slabs and non-pulling nonsense on them these days), keeping active by going out exploring, going to the gym, and focusing on the minimal things I can train: core, and especially flexibility. Interestingly since I've been doing less proper climbing and more of the latter, I've got all sorts of pains around my hips, buttocks, groin, knees etc. Nothing too inhibitive but extra physical niggles that actually I don't really need.

I still have the same cunning Plan B mentioned at the start of this post, but it's all pretty much delayed until I've healed my elbow to a manageable state. Thus any updates around here are going to be pretty sporadic, unless I find any ethics to rant about. Anyone seen any peg-bolted lower-offs recently??

Anyway here's a couple of things from the recent but very distant-seeming time when I only had mental inhibitions:

A nice little boulder problem.

A fairly mediocre video mostly due to the light and angles and forgetting my camera and using my phone fingertaped to a tripod, but it was only a few days before I properly aggravated my elbow and it does show I was pretty confident with both cranking up things and jumping off things (even though some of those drop-off landings felt as hard as the climber is heavy!!).