Thursday, 12 July 2018

The Complete Works.


Let's rewind to some happier times...and hit play at the start of this:



Sit back, grab a coffee or a gin, and let the seaside wash over you. This is Mike Cheque's long-awaited celebration of the variety, intrigue and enthralling experiences of sea-cliff climbing, and I'm thrilled to be part of it. My section is 32:50 onwards but please watch the whole thing.

So those happier times, 2 years ago I was being filmed with Duncan and Cecile in the Cornwall section, a couple of months before that I was being filmed with Wil and Kate in the....Esoterica section. Despite Cheque filming me on one of the leads of my life (Black Magic at Pentire, although playing a supporting role to Duncan doing the the free version of Eroica 30 years(!) after doing an aid point ascent), my role was firmly (or loosely?) defined in a long weekend around Anglesey as the....comedy relief. The off-piste garish-vested compression-stockinged poshly-swearing oddball. And I'm completely (...) happy with that - it's part of me and my climbing passion! So I wanted to share some background about a section the viewers seem to like....

....The Complete Works :)

  • This is a George Smith E5 5c *, it gets a photo tick and a star in the guidebook. The grade is nominal, the climbing is about technically E1, adjectivally XS. The star is also nominal, 3 being more appropriate.
  • I'd been to The Range a few weeks before, done a few nice esoteric gems, and recced various accessible but adventurous zawns for filming potential, including this one.
  • I admit I was "mildly concerned" but the line was irresistable and The Urge was strong. I'm by no means a veteran of this sort of climbing but....I dunno, I have a, errr, soft spot for weird stuff that is strangely aesthetic, technically easy, but requires methodical progress and constant attention.
  • Despite the seriousness, I did try to make it as safe as possible (despite not wearing a helmet, I know, I know). I placed 32 bits of gear in 24 metres including 12 slings. At least a few of those were adequate. 
  • Yes I did partly enjoy the experience at the time - Type 1.5 fun maybe. It was scary and disturbing but also dreamy and captivating. I wouldn't want to do too much of this but I'm genuinely glad I did!
  • Unlike at least one of the cameramen, I didn't think I was going to die. I did think there was a high chance of lowering off a cluster of bodyweight slings and loose cams, or being benighted in a chimneying position. Incidentally my entire left side was covered in dust from the udging.
  • Mike did throw a rope down for me to pull past the gorse bush cornice. I don't think that diminishes the experience much. If he hadn't been there, we'd have just left the ab rope down that section. 
  • Whilst seconding the "crux", but alas not being filmed, Kate pulled off one of the holds and swung into space, when she swung in and grabbed another hold, that came of too, 3rd time lucky and she reattached herself. These might have been the holds I used.
  • AFTER the route, I had to get myself psyched up to then do American Excess XS 5c as planned. God knows how. AE was also pretty stimulating as can be seen on film!
  • We DID go for the curry afterwards, I think it was pretty decent, the lime pickle was extra tangy anyway.
  • Last year I tried to capitalise on this experience by climbing Gold E4 5c * HXS 5c *** at Rainbow Zawn in North Pembroke, but got shut down near the top of the first pitch after being on it for at least as long. A missing ledge might have had something to do with this. Rainbow Zawn makes The Range look like Burbage North, Gold makes TCW look like Mutiny Crack. A whole different world of horror being extremely awkward and physically hard  as well as loose sandy greasy and committing. And that was just one pitch out of three....
  • JB kindly quipped "Tempting as it must have been to make the whole film about Fiend I think you made the right decision!" . Well now that's an idea. Without being too narcissistic I have done quite a few aesthetic, inspiring, and often easily filmeable sea-cliff routes of a vaguely related ilk in recent years. Maybe I should have commissioned Cheque to follow me around and also film: Scissors on the Lleyn, Andromeda Strain at Carn Gowla, Gold attempt, Extreme Walks at Pembroke North, Call To Arms and False Gods at Sanctuary Wall, new-routing on Cardigan Bay shale.... ;)
  • There's still loads more I want to do at The Range. It's a lovely place.


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