Friday, 11 May 2018

Fuck This Shit.


I've been ill for six months now. The best estimate of what I've got is some damage to the small intestine and surrounds (maybe gut lining, sub-clinical inflammation, gut flora balance, SIBO or something), under the broader banner of post-viral / post-infectious IBS of the upper digestive tract (as tentatively diagnosed by a gastroenterologist and a nutritionist - the latter also suggesting low stomach acid and low digestive enzymes exacerbating the issue). This was caused when I contracted norovirus or similar at exactly the same time I'd just had a big leg impact my body was trying to heal, thus not healing the intestinal trauma from the virus - see first paragraphs here. This manifests in fortnightly bouts of nausea with sleep deprivation, loss of appetite, low energy, low mood, as well as general mild queasiness, indigestion, and occasional soreness.

This was bad before Christmas, had started to ease off a couple of months ago, and then came back almost as bad a month ago. This aptly summed up my general status a few weeks back:


Obviously there should be a reciprocal link from low mood > back to > PVIBSUDT, I know full well that mood and stress affect digestion, and I am taking steps to improve my mood, but it's a natural reaction to the issues in the first place.

More recently, you could take that whole diagram, factor in on one side the singularity of focus I've had on getting this issue fixed, and on the other side the frustration of recommended dietary changes to allow my gut to heal (adding in acid and enzymes, taking out dairy in addition to the wheat / sugar I'd already cut out, so I've removed about half the food variety from my diet, but three quarters of the enjoyment, as well as half again added to the cost), and all that has added up to my climbing going completely off the boil, my whole sense of self diminishing, and a distinct feeling of mild but "proper" depression (which I am familiar enough with to distinguish it from the previous low mood). On the plus side, probably due to the diet, I haven't had a bad nausea bout for a few weeks (but still lots of mild queasiness), but psychologically I definitely do not feel myself.

Yes, I am moaning about this. It's not major, lots of people have lots of worse situations, but, it's affecting me, I want to get it out, maybe it will clear my head a bit.

Yes, I am trying to improve this. It's pissing me off a lot, especially at the start of the summer climbing season with reasonable weather. I have the usual dreams and aspirations and don't want to get even further distant from them. I'm trying to train, I'm trying to get some easy mileage in, I'm trying to keep active full stop, I'm trying to weather it out, and I'm getting some help. Hopefully my gut will heal, hopefully my focus will clear up, hopefully I'll keep some fitness up....and get on with proper climbing at some point...


1 comment:

Dan Guy said...

Shit situation... Hard to keep focus and not slip into depression! Good luck mate 🤗