Instawhat?

Okay I lied. I'm as much of a social media slag as the rest of you and the weather and company have been good enough to get out and get gritting on all sorts of places. Including Stanage - but enough of that toss...how about you fuckers ID the first two routes instead:

Oh and the boring Stanage toss I promised....

After this I drive back home which now looks like this:

Not bad.

We're Only Here For The Bang

6pm, I take a step... It's the same step I've taken many times in the last half an hour, but this time it's followed by a few more during the next minute. Careful, tip-toeing steps, smear to smear. And then it's over - I'm at the break, onto easy ground, at the top. An experience that has escalated from looking nervously from either side and tentatively brushing and playing on the easy start, to the eventual commitment and faith in friction of a grit slab. Bloody marvellous. 

4am, 10 hour laters, I take a step... It's the same step I've taken many times in the last minute, and this time it's followed by a few more during the same second. Frantic, rhythmic steps, bounce to bounce. And then it's over - the Horrorist's set has wrapped up and it's onto another DJ. An experience that has escalated from classic electro of One Night In New York and techno of Flesh Is The Fever to full on Industrial Strength 220bpm gabber assault. Bloody marvellous.

I went to Rivelin and I went to Bangface. One of them had frantic motion and constant noise and great intense experiences, and so did Bangface. Swirling trees provided enough shelter from the howling gale at Rivelin, and made for great conditions. A chance encounter with Mike whom I'd climbed with once in Wales...

...on an equally blowy day at Bird Rock, where having done the excellent Diamond Eliminate an attempt at a retrieval abseil turned into a 20 minute clusterfuck of knotted ropes, turned a recceing visit into some fun easy highballing and a nice little solo to finish after he'd disappeared.

And thence it was on to Bangface which needs little explanation, suffice to say it's by far the best dance music experience in the UK and just like Rivelin, being only an hour from Chez Fiend is another great boon to my relocation. Only Friday's bang this time but it went a bit like this:

Dead Man's Chest - nu skool old skool jungle techno
A surprising set from Eveson's alias. I thought he'd be pure jungle but this was an interesting blend of sort of old skool rave jungle techno in a modern style - kick and breakbeats and spacey atmospheres - before evolving into jungle. Pretty cool!

Monster X - industrial analogue techno glitchstep
A new act to me, ex-grindpunk dude turns to electronic music and maintains the same visceral intensity. Mashed up and hard hitting and maintained my interest for sure.

Little Big - rave donk pop hip-hop
Caught the end of their set. Very much the Russian Die Antwoord as they've been coined. Fun for a few mins. Alas the very cute midget from their videos doesn't perform with them any more.

Otto Von Schirach - bollox bassline
A couple of minutes of this tedious poncy bellend before I legged it.

Chopstick Dubplate - ragga jungle
I gotta say I might be liking jungle more than drum'n'bass at the moment. All about the breakbeats! This was kinda predictable jungle style but great fun. Also a nice OTT sped-up finish before...

Limewax - crossbreed hardcore drum'n'bass
On top of my ticklist for the night, and he was pretty cool. Objectively a great Bangface set mixing in all sorts of hard dnb and hardcore and even elegantly finishing with dark techno before The Horrorist. Personally I wanted more of a classic Limewax skullstep onslaught, and some of that style he played was fucking brilliant....I might have broken myself with a full set of that tho, maybe the variety is for the best!

Stazma The Junglechrist - breakcore
Self indulgent mashed up breakbeat noodling - the jungle equivalent of a set full of guitar solos. Too nonsensical for me but the crowd liked it.

Eprom - bass / dubstep
A few mins chilling out... Kinda cool sound, lots of super deep warm bass and minimal beats, wouldn't have got me dancing much but nice to listen to.

The Horrorist - industrial techno / gabber
A bit of an icon in the hardcore / techno scene for his pounding beats and militant MC shouting, definitely had to be seen. The harder last half of his set was the highlight of the night for me :).

Hellfish - gabber
A few mins recovering... classic Hellfish gabber, probably the hardest set in the main rooms. I dunno his style is good but not always my favourite and I needed to recover a bit.

[KRTM] - militant hard techno
Surprising as I thought he was normal gabber, but catching a bit of his set I was impressed, seriously stompy techno with some good atmospheres.

Dr Bastardo - crossbreed breakcore
Same record label and same pace as Stazma The Jungleponce but vastly better with a danceable flow and proper hardcore intensity.

The Outside Agency - gabber / crossbreed
Also high on the ticklist, but although good was a bit disappointing. Firstly having caught TOA for a more varied industrial hardcore set in Glasgow years ago, this wasn't quite as interesting. Secondly, the sound in the main room was a bit low compared to the other rooms (or Hellfish's set) and thus didn't quite have the energy to compensate for my lack thereof. Still a great night overall!

Saturday was a rest day...

At last!

5 years overdue I've made one of the bigger progressions in my climbing life - moving away from the wasteland that is Scotland. It was good for a while but the extreme paucity of local climbing, the unavoidable journey lengths and the minimal and often insular climbing scene all make it unsustainable in the long term - even more inhibitive than the midges and rain. To be fair, the climbing - when you eventually drag one of the 3 Scottish trad climbers who is prepared to go climbing regularly with an Englishman away from childcare duties and brave 4 hours of pootling up the A9 to take advantage of the one good weather window that decade - is truly amazing as is the scenery and solitude. I will miss those distinctly rewarding aspects along with a few good friends I have up there, the Central Belt motorway network (the singularly most first world aspect of Scotland is the willingness to actually IMPROVE road networks rather than ruin them unlike England and their """smart""" twatting jam-causing bullshit non-motorways), and Ratho and Eden Rock of course. Although we're not spoilt for walls down here.

We've moved to Manchester, home of the M60 gridlock, the M67 gridlock and of course the A57 gridlock. Maybe they could employ a Scottish Transport Minister to actually consider sorting this mess out or maybe they'll just plaster the whole fucking area with one way systems and speed cameras. It's also home to 13 guidebook's worth of day-trippable climbing (Stanage, Burbage and Beyond, Froggatt and Curbar, Over The Moors, Staffordshire, Peak Limestone North, Peak Limestone South, Yorkshire Grit 1, Yorkshire Grit 2, Yorkshire Limestone, Lancashire Rock, Cheshire Rock, Clwyd Limestone) compared to a total of one from Glasgow (half Lowland Outcrops, half Highland Outcrops South). Admittedly I did a load on the grit when I lived in Sheffield and the limestone is mostly shit, but there's still enough mileage and training options to maintain sanity. Plus North / Mid Wales in two hours and the South West arriving in the same day you depart, both significant draws. And in winter the dedicated climbers get out on the grit rather than wanking off about decaying blizzard gullies and "Are the Norries in nick yet" and other such incomprehensible BS.

Of course I can't take the slightest advantage of most of this as my elbows are still completely fucked. Tennis elbow in both of them seems to be hovering in between acute and chronic and taking advantage of the worst of both aspects - permanently sore and seemingly unresponsive to any treatment.  Climbing hard or any training are definitely out, a shite way to start the spring season. But at least being near the grit there are options to do easy pootling that is enjoyable, and of course SLABS. Thankfully I do like slabs.... Before I left the wasteland, I managed to squeeze in some very nice ones at Garheugh Port, including this highball gem which I mistakenly thought was an FA, it wasn't but I did a good job of cleaning it and tidying the base and sorting out the "experimental" grades on this slab so if you're visiting Galloway, go to it:

No more videos and photos from me for a while unless it's well esoteric, because every social media cunt and his drone saturates the web with the latest number-bagging bullshit from the grit...