Funny business - fear and failure.

Climbing's a funny business. Funny strange and probably funny haha if one is that way inclined. Maybe it would benefit me to heed the ludicrosity of it all a bit more?? Cos it still bemuses the hell after me - trad leading especially. After 12 years or so climbing, 1000s of routes, route after route after day after day after year after year pushing myself and progressing, I still don't really get it. The waxing and the waning, the ebb and flow, the maddeningly random ups and downs that see you one day cruising everything in sight and the next day struggling even to do warm-up routes. Climbing challenging routes is an admirable goal, but so is consistency and whilst I've managed the former I still don't seem to manage the latter as much as I like.

Today was one such example of this: I went somewhere with inspiring challenges (or is that challenging inspirations) for me to try, and not much else. I went with a purpose, but that purpose SCARED ME. I had THE FEAR through most of the day. Eventually I felt ready and somewhat more syked and got on a warm-up route. Autopilot took over for a bit but it didn't take much for the fear to come back: a bit of pump, a bit of scruffy rock, a bit of a crux and a lot of THE DAMN FUCKING FEAR SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF ME WHEN FACED WITH EASY MOVES AND GOOD GEAR BY MY KNEES. Jeez... Why?? I don't really know. A bit tired? A bit struggling for syke? A bit unfed? A bit of a fucking gaylord? The latter most likely ;).

There is some stuff to learn from this, and a simple method to follow: Be honest. Analyse weakness. Train it.

But although I'm not so cross now (there was a "bit" of swearing at the time), I'm still bemused. Climbing, funny old business. And who knows what it will bring tomorrow...