Ivy.

Snailpot says:
I think you should write about the ivy in your blog

Okay... I've been having to sort out some ivy recently - got a serious ivy problem at the Fiend crib. Approximately 1/3 of the way through this epic task, I have achieved the following injuries:

1. Chipped tooth after pulling something off and hitting myself in the jaw.
2. Gashed chest after getting stabbed by a broken ivy branch.
3. Possibly damaged rib/sternum from the force of that same stabbing.
4. Cuts over my lower legs.
5. Friction burn on my shoulder.
6. Sore throat and rough lungs from breathing in dust and shit.
7. Increased pain in my elbow injury (definitely worse than most easy trad climbing).
8. Stomach ache due to the bile this stupid activity raises in me.

And can draw the following conclusions:

1. I fucking hate gardening (I knew this already though).
2. I fucking hate ivy.

It is an pointless, insidious, uncontrollable, mindlessly malevolent, destructive, offensive, house/property-raping bitch of a plant. Anyone who plants some under some deranged pretence that "it looks nice" or "it will make the property more homely" or other such bullshit, needs shooting. And the person who planted here, well they need shooting by ME. Repeatedly. In the genitals.

I wish there was some way I could exact more revenge on this stupid fucking vegetable other than tearing the whole damn lot down, chainsawing the roots to nothing, letting it all dry out and burning it to fucking ash, but I don't think there is. Not without taking more pointless, life-wasting, effort, which is partly what I hate in the first place.

Anyone know any napalm wholesalers??