Rituals

N.B. This was originally supposed to be published in the subversive counter-cultural "steer the wavering ship of the climbing scene by gouging a hole into it's hull" fanzine UFCK, but god knows what's happened to that so I'm posting it here. Given the nature of the 'zine I went for a deliberate and unashamedly flowery / OTT style of writing but at least it's not as torturous and po-faced the old Moles / Cookson "wannabe-Redhead" word-soup. Normal service / moaning may resume next time.



RITUALS

Runes align, signs condense out of the e-ther. A freshers' meet here, a send train there, maybe a bank holiday swarm. The portents push acolytes into directions both obvious and obscure.

Candles or maybe headtorches are lit, casting the dark into light and the surrounding world into darkness. Tomes are scoured and revised, the beauty being the message is hidden in plain view: Condensed paragraphs after main crags, hollow stars, sub-notes squeezed in before the next honey pot.

Attire is donned - Adidas instead of Arcteryx, Sports Direct instead of Sportiva, shiny consumerism will get caked in grimy chimneys and shredded on old barbed wire, so why bother. Similar are tools of the trade - crowbars and blades.

Acolytes are summoned to the chariot, an understated approach is recommended - V.A.Group instead of a #vanlife, a scruffy hatchback easier to squeeze in to corners, easier for locals to ignore. Fellow explorators are chosen according to enthusiasm or gullibility or more usually availability regardless of personality. A mascot or companion may provide resolve or moral fibre - 4 legs being preferable to 4 spinning rotors.

Belatedly, subject to the vagaries of lift-sharing, coffee-imbibing, and Google Map's willful obfuscations or indeed outright objection to the chosen destination, the temple may be approached. This is usually from a tangential angle - a rear assault may be optimal or just thematically pleasing for the team. Eyes must be kept open, there are auras to be discerned - greens and browns - as well as the existence of rock and stone, sometimes separate from the base earth, sometimes all too separate.

At the place of worship, rituals postures are settled into. Lying collapsed amongst rucksacks, kneeling in the dirt, scrying and scrutinising, squatting in nooks drinking tea and avoiding looking upwards at the horrific edifice.

Phrases are intoned to bring joy to the participants: "Why the fuck are we here instead of Malham?"..."Are you sure this bit hasn't fallen down?"..."I wish we had a pad party with us"..."We'll have to ab and clean it won't we?".

At last, excuses fade away before the mighty open-ended proclamation "Well we're here now...", and the suffering commences: flesh is torn in descent gullies and abraded in clefts, fingernails are chipped and worn excavating slots and mis-timing brush strokes, legs cramp up and numbify from prolonged abseils, all the senses are full of grit and moss and dust, torsos stiffen and corpsify as the ritual mercilessly extends and ropes must be held "One more go, I'll get it next time, I wish I'd brushed that fucking pocket"...

As the physical form is flagellated, the mind is set free from the shackles of convention - reliable descriptions, informative grades, conventional styles, hive mind shared knowledge, successful ascents.

Eventually enlightenment might be attained, but through more earthly pleasures. A soothing drive home, a hot bath, the relieving de-vegetation of clothes and crevices. And finally the dilemma of either smugly posting "Well who knows what THIS crag is then?" photos on social media and basking in the knowledge of obscurity, or defacing and destroying pages with a solemn vow never to attempt a farce like that again....and knowing that both choices are entirely correct.

...

As should be obvious it is about exploring esoterica which is what I was "commissioned" to write about, and mostly inspired by actually doing so with UFCK himself (and Pippin of course). In honour of that here's a few relevant photos, some of which have been posted before:

Can / Can't

Things you CAN do whilst recovering from a torn MCL:

• Fingerboarding
• Campussing
• Intense upper body work
• Intense low-level traversing
• Systems board training without going too high

Things you CAN do whilst recovering from golfer's elbow:

• Hard slabs / vertical walls
• Thrutchy routes with a focus on legwork
• Run-out routes with good fall potential
• Falling practise in general
• Running and similar lower-limb fitness

Things you CAN'T do whilst recovering from golfer's elbow:

• Fingerboarding
• Campussing
• Intense upper body work
• Intense low-level traversing
• Systems board training without going too high

Things you CAN'T do whilst recovering from a torn MCL:

• Hard slabs / vertical walls
• Thrutchy routes with a focus on legwork
• Run-out routes with good fall potential
• Falling practise in general
• Running and similar lower-limb fitness

Hmmmm.....

So yeah I was heeding the DMac advice "If you come out of a lower limb injury without getting stronger, then it's been a wasted opportunity" (more like "If you come out of a lower limb injury without sinking into a pit of slothful, comfort eating, nihilistic depression.....then well done" - I think the first quote was in the era when DMac wrongly assumed that all other climbers, irrespective of grade, had his robotic dedication to training and militant self-discipline). At any rate I was motivated to try to maintain some of the strength and fitness that I'd clawed back since the end of lockdown, and thus jumped straight on the fingerboard a couple of days after fucking my knee.....after a sluggish day doing fuck all, and with the barest minimum of warming up. I tweaked my elbow a bit. Then climbed the next day. Then went to the gym the day after and tweaked it further on elbow intensive stuff. At the time of the last post I hadn't realised....but yes I fucked it too. 

Depending on the circumstances, the elbow is more of an inhibition than the knee. On the Depot circuit boards with their convenient matrix of footholds, I've managed to carefully front-point and inside edge my way along the lowest level without any knee pain.....but increasing and subsequent elbow pain as I ramped up the difficulty. Same with Awesome Walls with the vertical lead wall of endless controlled rockovers (fine) and deep locks (less fine). On the other hand, after walking on flat ground, uneven ground, uphill, downhill, upstairs and downstairs (the latter at a distinctly normal pace compared to a week ago) all without pain, I tried a light jog the other day and lasted 1 (one) step before a sharp pain stopped me, and now my knee has felt the worst it has since the first tweak.

So whilst last time when I had tennis elbow, I could do some cool slabs and highballing and running and stuff, and last time when I mashed my leg I could do plenty of deadhanging and campussing (which I did feel progress with) and weights, this time I'm not sure what the fuck to do (apart from burying my head in the sand and pretending it isn't Sendtember because that ain't fucking happening). What I am doing is antagonistic weights and stretching, and, errr, a fuckload of rehab from wobbleboarding and eccentrics to light gym work on the leg etc etc. And hope to get one of the limbs healed up enough to go on some adventurous sea-cliffs before winter....

Dropping...

 
So last week I felt like I'd regained my fitness and strength and was climbing as good as I have in recent years - on sport onsighting and redpointing at least, I hadn't put it into practise on challenging trad, but I'd even got enough confidence back to be ready to do so. Not only that, I felt generally fit and good (digestion aside), and notably had walked out of Chee Dale to both Wormhill and Topley Pike without resting - almost as rewarding as the climbing, feeling that my body had re-adapted to regular usage and activity.

This week I can still walk, slowly, in a straight line. And that's pretty much it. I can't run, I can't boulder, I can't fall off, I can't do any sudden movements, I can't twist my leg, and I can't climb at any more than 30% capability (which feels more like 60% challenge as I've got to hang on every single move and test every single left foot placement to make sure it's safe and not going to aggravate my left leg). And I probably couldn't dance to gabber either, even if clubs were open.

What I've done is tweaked my MCL (the stabilising ligament on the inner side of the knee) on my left leg, doing a deep drop knee move. Or more specifically, doing a deep drop knee move that I'd never done before, which is the crux of a route right at my very limit, and in particularly doing it in poor conditions which forced me to try too hard as I was slipping off a handhold, and twist the drop knee far deeper than it should have been and far beyond what was safe. It is hopefully a relatively minor tweak, as there just a mild twinge - an unusual warning sign which caused me to drop off immediately - and no sharp pain, no pop, no sudden loss of stability, and no noticeable swelling. Nevertheless, it is definitely injured and inhibitive as above (and any inwards motion, especially with a bent leg, is definitely painful), and will take plentiful rest, rehab, and avoiding relaxed climbing motions.

I could write about the usual bollox this entails: how gutting it is to go so abruptly from good climbing fitness to hobbling around again, how particularly gutting that is after fighting to get that fitness back after lockdown, how even more gutting it is as I'm coming into potentially prime late summer / early autumn trad season (Red Walls and Range South unbanned etc) rather than coming into a dank winter, about how, despite what people say, I *WILL* lose fitness and strength that quickly (reading DMac's Make Or Break, there is some acknowledgement of this: "It is well understood that training gains in muscles strength and endurance are reversible, and that the losses of tissue status begin within a few days of ceasing training" // "Climbers tend to underestimate the effect of even a week of de-training on your ability to absorb hard physical work"). So far so dull.

Instead there's one issue I want to write about that isn't actually an issue. In the depressive state this sort of "emergency stop" injury brings on, it would be easy to lament "I can't try hard in climbing, I can't push myself too hard, my body can't take it, if I'm getting near the top of my game I'm just going to crash out again". Thankfully, this one worry isn't actually true (although it can happen that way).

In this case, my body was coping with and adapting to the demands of regularly fighting hard pretty well, and what went wrong was an outlier:

1. Drop knees are a risky move. Apparently so. I've heard rumours about them. Referring back to MOB: "Drop knees....are the most dangerous movements on rock" // "Drop knees....are used comparatively infrequently, yet demand large forces when they are used" // "Moves where you drop the knee and then move the hand all in one rapid motion may be particularly risky for knee ligaments" // "Possibly the most important preventative measure of knee injuries in climbing is awareness and concentration during dangerous moves such as drop knees."

2. I've never done proper drop knees before. I've done egyptians, sure. But never a proper drop knee where you dip the knee right down. If I have it was very brief and I can't remember it and I certainly haven't used one to try hard. I tend to climb either a bit more flaggy, or a bit more front on and squatty and rock-overy which suits my heavy but relatively un-weak thighs. So I have little experience in the technique and no whatsoever in the limits and risks. 

3. I was pushing too hard and losing judgement in poor conditions. I was, somewhat shamefully, getting a bit desperate for "the tick" and "getting the route done". Sure I was still enjoying the experience of the climbing and of trying it, but part of me was getting a bit obsessed and wanting to get it "out of the way". Shallow motivation that is easily aligned with a weak state of mind, including ignoring the increased difficulty due to poor conditions and still persisting to try to get that possibly unsuitably distant end result.

4. I may be more susceptible due to lack of gym training. According to the physio, the cruciate ligaments are the primary stabilisers in the knee joint, whilst the joining muscles are secondary supportive stabilisers. I don't know if regular gym work helps strengthen ligaments although it might well stimulate them, but the sort I do (short sets of heavier leg work) definitely strengthen the muscles and certainly tests knee stability on squats. I haven't been to the gym for 5 months (the longest period I can remember) due to the lockdown and gym closures and this might have been a problem.

5. So the cause was pretty much ignorance and susceptibility on a risky move. And that is both something that's not a particular problem with my body nor climbing, and something that I can learn from and be aware of. If I'd had a heel-toe in on a similar move in similar conditions, I'd have probably sacked that session off already due to the risk of ankle amputation - because I know the risks. Same with a high heel-hook. If I'd had to do a slap or lunge on a similar move in similar conditions, I'd have probably been fine as the consequences would have been a flapper or something minor. 

So now that's out of the way, what now??

Rest. Rehab. All the physio theraband / wobble board / straight leg etc exercises. Try to strengthen the ligament and the muscles. Avoid re-injury. Train my upper body as hard as possible whilst also avoiding injury. Gently experiment to see what climbing might be possible as I start to recover (my gut instinct is that the ledgiest and shuffliest ledge-shuffles of Anglesey and the Lleyn might be the best as the nature of the terrain not only rarely requires excessive exertion through the holds, in some ways it actively discourages it - whilst at the same time providing enough beauty, inspiration and fun to nourish my soul). Remain diligent. Remain open to possibilities. If recovered enough, try to extend the routes "away season" into autumn as far as the weather allows, and similarly try to start it as early as possible in spring, taking advantages of available sun-traps. 

777

As a change from grotty Peak lime, I was out for some grotty Clwyd lime (what it lacks in vegetation, it makes up for with in looseness) with mr Andy F the other day, and it was a 777 kind of day. After a warm-up, with both did What's Going On F7a */**/*** which was delightful steep slab climbing that suited my trad bumbling, Atmospheres F7a *** which was an antithesical battle through hanging overlaps (Andy at the belay: "I've been brutalised!") and good training for trad bumbling with both the style and a leg-pumping essential rest, and finally Prickly Heat F7a+ ** (conclusion: 3 hard 7a sections back to back with one shakeout adds up to more than 7a!) which Andy put the draws in and I somehow flashed via an absolute battle that has little to do with my trad bumbling except that if I could put that much determination in on trad I might actually get somewhere.

Anyway What's Going On was both the easiest and most enjoyable, just a lovely style of climbing, engaging but not stressful, exposed but not scary, and apparently "better than almost all 7as in the Peak". Which it might well be. But then again there are a lot of good / well-reputed 7as in the Peak, so what could be more suitable / boring / anally retentive than list most of them....

Done:

Exo6, Masson Lees? - was 7a when I did it. Remember it being heavily glued.

Hilti Sound System, Masson Lees - also heavily glued etc. Dunno if Masson counts as proper outdoor climbing?

Tucker's Grave, Intake Quarry?  - again 7a when I did it and can't remember fuck all.

This Is Not A Drill, Darlton Quarry - much better than a lone star, intense crux and nice finish.

Aperta, Hidden Quarry - ditto, nice wall with a balancy first crux and a cool go-for-it finish

Scratch Race, Plum Buttress - also underrated, cool boulder problem and very photogenic

Cairn, Harpur Hill - obvious, but it is that good

Lies And Deception, Smalldale - only one star but makes the list for quality.

Want to do:

Straight Jacket, Wildcat - no idea but worth an explore

Handy Wallhole, Dale Quarry - need to do this with slab ninja Coel

Supercrack, Lorry Park Quarry - keep putting it off but will get there one day

Too Monsterosity, Slaley Brook - went once but got distracted by Marble Wall

Fuck Your Gods, Masson Lees - when I've got over my masson tantrums

I Hate You, Stoney - great name, I've had good experiences of Stoney sport.

Demolition Man, Horseshoe - one for a nice winter's day?

An Ancient Rhythm, Horseshoe - ditto

Lead Vein Thrombosis Deep Rake - gotta do this just for the name

Red Mist, Goddard's Wall - no idea if it's good but 1 star 7as around these parts usually are!

Rubicon, Water-cum-jolly - put it off for 15 years....maybe I will be strong enough soon?

Max Head Room, Max Buttress - max routes are pokey

Up The River, The Cornice - almost dry enough the other day

Clarion Call, The Cornice - still putting this off, or getting distracted

White Gold, Chee Tor - one for a fresh bone dry day as a warm-up for the trad?

Go Cat, Dog's Dinner Buttress - just for the name!

Case Adjourned, Two Tier - obvious

Darl, Two Tier - lovely spot

Quality Control, Two Tier - this too

Monkey Magic, Cowdale - probably nails but worth a shot

The Prophecy, Harpur Hill - will get around to it at some point

First Offence, Smalldale - ditto    

Can Boys, Smalldale - ditto

Attempted:

Long Black Veil, Masson Lees - blew the final move inches from success. massive tourettestantrum

Une Crime Passionel, The Cornice - now 7a due to hold loss in upper groove. was close. nails but cool start.

Armistice Day, The Cornice - 7a+ in reality so not bothered, especially since I don't fit the kneebar.

The conclusion being.... I really don't have enough experience to make any judgements about it. Not that should stop me normally, but maybe since I'm kinda getting used to inland lime, I should try to tackle some of these this year. Perhaps 7 of them...

Lime Time

So, I come out of lockdown, woefully unfit and weak, in desperate need of training, and the bloody climbing walls are closed. So what's the next best option?? Well, UK inland limestone is only marginally worse than climbing indoors, and desperate times call for desperate measures... I've sat on bolts, I've sat on pads, I've sat on my wee camping stool and very occasionally I've sat on top of a crag or at the chains of a sport route, all in the company of the usual polished knobbly blotchy choss or tottering dusty quarried choss. Still the dales are lovely once you're not battling through nettles to reach vertical turf sandbag trad that hasn't been climbed since the 80s and the quarries are tolerable if you ignore the surroundings and just focus on the lone 10% of vaguely aesthetic rock in front of your face. So in celebration of this, and in no order whatsoever, here's a Top Ten of the least worst limestone I've done recently:

Lady Of Satan, Avon Gorge
In complete contrast to the rest of the list, this off-piste gem on Avon Gorges' Leigh Wood's Quarry 5's Red Wall was straight out of Gogarth's Red Wall, and thus automatically excellent. An inland adventure featuring ledge-shuffling at it's finest - easy, unnerving, and life-affirming. This brought a grin to my face and definitely cleared some of the sterile bolt-clipping cobwebs away.

Supercalorific, Torbay
I didn't think that a snatched day out burning off the long drive aches and stiffness on an "in-law" visit to Sidmouth would involve doing the best F6a+ in the UK, but there we go. An immaculate sheet of flowstone with constant technicalites and variety.

Paranoid Eyes, Low Stony Bank
Just slightly easier than the "2 grades easier" battle of Visionhurry to the left, this was the most enjoyable pitch during a long and long overdue mileage day at the Stony Banks. A lovely location in a discreet river valley above Gordale, and one of the many recent throbbing hotspots of relentless unconsulted blanket retro-bolting of Yorkshire trad routes. Still, some of the older (retroed?) lines are pretty nice especially this triple-crux line that was never desperate but always interesting.

Short Problem, Blackwell Dale
Recced after an unproductive visit to the "Cucket Delf for the 7C" climber shit-pit that is Lee's Bottom, which mostly involved discovering that 7C climbers can't grade """6C""" problems for shit. SP seemed a much more feasible proposition, so the only option was to come back fresher, and of course in the pissing rain, which often makes lime grot more satisfying. A cool, distinctive problem for easier lime, given it has an obvious start and finish and independent climbing.

The Pinch, Pleasley Vale
Another "conditions snatching" trip at a fresh and bone dry Pleasley whilst it was honking down across The Peaks. Did a bit of trad which mostly involved soloing highball boulder problems then fiddling in a couple of small cams for "scrambling remains" finish, then got involved with this semi-classic reachy burlfest and somehow managed to get it after a proper fight.

Coming Up For Air, Moat Buttress
At it's correct grade of F7b+ of course - slightly easier than Garderobe which I also did and is objectively better, but CUFA felt more enjoyable to me as it was my first redpoint of the season. I'd lowered down Moat People after flashing Moat Afloat, but the flakes and gastons of CUFA kept catching my eye so I gave it a go, found the moves suited me, and got quite excited. The highlight was actually my first redpoint attempt, getting to the final teetery rockover, being a bit unsettled, and blowing it - taking a good fall and realising how close I was, were both as satisfying as when I actually did it.

Helicon, Stoney Middleton
Slowly easing back into trad although this one isn't that easy! A super-direct line apart from the gorse cornice shuffle at the top, with 3 cruxes and plenty of interest, well worth the wee scramble to get there. I'm hoping to gradually work my way through more Stoney trad as a useful mileage location.

The Calcspa, Slaley Brook
A typical oasis of calm rock in a maelstorm of swirling rubble - really surprisingly pleasant. This I think is the line of the craglet, genuinely pleasant and amenable climbing up strong calcite flowstone features.

Aperta, Hidden Quarry
The first of two nu-school classics opposite the old-skool sport misery that is Horseshoe. I had a great day getting back into things here with ron-hill-dark-horse mark20, and this route with it's two distinct cruxes, one delicate and the other reachy and cranky, was the highlight.

This Is Not A Drill, Dalton Quarry
And the second nu-school quarried classic, this time the sheet of rock is even more elegant on it's own and the surroundings of tottering rubble are even more disturbing. But on this route after a very cranky, committing crux you can motor to a tiny rest niche and turn around and just stand there and admire the sun-blasted view of desolation whilst relaxing for a gently burly finish. My favourite rest ledge so far....

In summary:

Stony Bank. Idyllic.

Short Problem. Less idyllic, but fun.

That Digestion Thing

Recently I wrote a sensible and neutral-ish description of my DVT issue and how it affects me. I'm now doing the same for the digestive disorder I have because although it is on paper a much less serious issue, it actually affects me and especially my mindstate a lot more regularly and prominently. This is probably even less interesting than the DVTs and I'm writing it partly to clear my head a bit.

What do I have?

Some form of chronic-but-subsiding gastroenteritis. Since the workings of the digestion are a bit mysterious it's only really describable in general terms, such as a gastroenterologist's diagnosis of "Post Viral IBS Of The Upper Digestive Tract" (different to food-sensitive diarrhoea / constipation-prone IBS of the lower digestive tract). Perhaps more pertinent is a stool test result that shows the disorder manifesting as: some inflammation, some difficulty digesting fats, and a lot of bacterial imbalance - this may well be equivalent to SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth) Blood tests and an endoscopy have shown nothing significant. The crude bicarbonate of soda stomach acid test has indicated I have greatly reduced stomach acid.

Why did it happen?

In 2017 I fell off a route on gritstone and bashed up the side of my leg (no break, just a lot of soft-tissue / muscle damage). I went to Macclesfield A&E for an x-ray, I was careless with my hand hygiene (in particular a minimal rinsing of my fingers after going to the loo, just before eating a pack of nuts), and contracted some form of acute gastroenteritis, probably norovirus. This was an utterly horrendous experience in itself: BUT, my leg was already very swollen, and logically my body was putting all it's healing resources into that mild-but-large trauma, and thus not into healing my gut damage from the norovirus (especially with a few days living off a few hundred calories). So, my gut never healed (in comparison to my partner who caught the norovirus off me, was even more acutely ill, but recovered in a week or so).

What are the symptoms?

Primary
General queasiness - most of the time I feel a little bit mildly nauseous. Not much, but I never really feel 100% (and the few times I do, it's very noticeable how different and "clear" it feels).

Prominent queasiness when hungry - the feeling increases if I haven't eaten enough nor regularly enough (especially after coffee). Instead of just feeling hungry, I can end up feeling quite sick but still having to eat. This is completely different to previously when my digestion was *very* tolerant of long periods of not eating.

Regular indigestion after larger meals - including slightly more queasiness, bloating, and lots of gurgling (the latter okay in itself but not so okay in combination). This includes larger meals as in a normal / smallish evening meal, again this is very different to previously when I could eat massive meals and only feel "stuffed".

Sporadic nausea bouts - these are thankfully getting more sporadic, but are really grim for me when they happen. Often in the middle of the night, constant nausea that I can't sleep through (i.e. feeling too sick to drink water or clean my teeth), followed by at least a day of feeling wasted and only able to eat a tiny amount of bland food. In the early days these were happening every few weeks without fail, thankfully they're much less these days.

Secondary
Low energy - as it says. I don't have as much energy, I'm physically and mentally more tired, and run out of energy quicker in a day (despite healthy balanced regular snacking).

Increased weight gain - no, I'm not sure how the fuck this works either. I'm eating much more healthily, more "little and often" style, much less carb-based etc (see below), and I'm putting on weight quicker than previously. My best guess is a combination of possibly eating a little bit more (because I have to keep eating to stop the hunger-queasiness), and my digestion being worse at processing food (it seems to be processing into fat rather than into energy??).

Lower moods - I've put this in "Secondary" but it has been a massive factor at certain points!! As an example, June 2018 I travelled to the Peaks for The Seaside premier after a nausea bout, with the worst depression I'd had for over a decade - I felt like a hollow shell, a zombie shambling around pretending to be Fiend on the outside, with nothing on the inside. There's a few aspects to this: Firstly I'm mildly emetophobic, so the queasiness and nausea really creeps me out - yes this sucks, yes I'd rather have a lower digestive tract based disorder! Or none at all. Secondly there's a lot made of the gut-brain axis and the vagus nerve connecting them, and for me the nausea bouts result in subsequent bouts  of sadness (like actual sorrow, rather than the bleakness of depression afterwards). Thirdly the mild or occasionally prominent debilitation of the queasiness is a constant distraction and inhibition that just gets me down. As I've written previously, I don't feel like a shadow of my former self, but I sometimes feel like a monochrome version.

What it doesn't affect:

No excrementary disorder - okay I shit like a fucking cow but am pretty regular and generally have little diarrhoea and no constipation.
No actual vomiting - thank fuck.
No particular triggering due to particular foods - my cooking is quite spicy and flavoured, and occasionally I'll have a curry treat, and there's generally little response unless I eat too much (or pulses, which give me gas).

Treatment?

The general treatment after consultation with several different specialists / nutritionists is: A restricted diet to reduce stress / work for the gut, combined with better nutrition and digestive supplements.
Diet: greatly reduced: wheat, gluten, dairy (some main stressors for digestion), processed foods, excess sugar, alcohol, pulses (the latter mostly to avoid bloating / gas).
Increased: lean proteins, leafy greens, berry fruits, oats.
Supplements: pro-biotics, pre-biotics, omega oils, l-glutamine (strengthen small intestine lining), gi-sol (attempting to crowd out excess bacteria), ox bile (assists fat digestion), digestive enzymes with HCL (I accidentally had one of these break whilst dry swallowing and yes fuck me they definitely have some acid in them!!)

Is this all helping?? I don't know. Find me the control Fiend who can still eat pizza and have a pastry-based breakfast, not eat for 8 hours, have a massive evening meal and still feel fine, and compare us?? The treatments make logical sense and mostly correlate with each other and, despite being sometimes infuriating and expensive, are manageable. I am slowly getting better, but I have no idea if I'd be getting better regardless or whether I'd still be significantly ill without any of the changes. It's taking fucking ages but the more I look into it, the more complex and obscure the digestion is - and you can't just isolate it and give it a rest like you would with a broken limb. Fixing the digestion is like trying to fix a car engine.....whilst you're still constantly driving.

Symptomatic alleviation with: Prochlorperazine (this stuff is a fucking miracle and the only thing that can touch the nausea bouts), ginger (helps a little bit with queasiness), heat pack on torso (reclining with one of these and some ginger when I have indigestion does help a bit).

The climbing lifestyle: impinged by the issue:

See the secondary effects above - these quite clearly impact on me as a climber. Being heavy and tired and depressed isn't great. Neither are the nausea bouts and although they're sporadic they can still fuck things up: As an example, I was in North Wales bouldering in early October, staying in a charming and thankfully mostly empty mini-hostel in Blaenau. The first day out I felt a bit queasy in the day due to hunger. I had an okay evening meal, went to bed, and woke about 2-ish feeling really sick.  Took two prochloroperazine, but even with those and a middle-of-the-night shit, ended up propped up in bed drifting in and out of nausea until I finally got to sleep about 5-ish. Somehow I managed to summon enough energy for a bit of bouldering the next day, had a very mild and early evening meal, went to bed and had a second nausea bout and didn't get to sleep till past 2.... Distinctly sub-optimal.

There's a few subtleties too: It's harder to feel motivated and fired up and to visual climbing because I've realised that a lot of that comes from feeling strong all over, and a lot of that comes from the core. Imagine pulling any sort of hard move....it will almost always involve some power through the core. Now imagine sitting in a car heading out somewhere, trying to get psyched by visualising those hard moves....and when it comes to the core it's all just wobbly and delicate and out-of-sorts - it's surprising how inhibitive it is!

Logistically it's harder to plan things and be a reliable partner (although I've only had to let people down a few times), it takes me a lot longer to get going and feel ready for action, it's harder to get easy snacking and nutrition out and about in climbing areas, I have to pay more attention to eating and also comfortable accommodation. I'm becoming even more of a fussy fanny, not through choice but necessity.

As I say, things are improving over time. I had hoped to eat a celebratory pizza in November 2018 because surely I'd feel better enough then. That was pushed back to 2019. Now it's pushed back to 2020....I've forgotten what fucking pizza tastes like now!!

Anyway, next time - I talk about climbing, and choss :).

Notes To Self About Time Off

Lockdown finished, I went outside of the M60 ring road for the first time in nearly 8 weeks, and to warm back into climbing gently, I went to Cottage Rocks in The Churnet. It was a beautiful setting, glorious sunny but cool and breezy weather, the rock was in good condition. I did a few Font 5s. My skin lasted 5 problems, my motivation lasted 2. I felt depressed, apathetic and uninspired - and even less like a climber than I did during lockdown (i.e. not at all).

Coming out of it was in some ways worse than being in it - having "tactically" retreated into a semi-depressive rut of painting fucking space marines, and then having the abrupt opportunity to get back out and live my life again....was a bit like a car unexpectedly in gear in a crowded parking lot?? With a quick and shocking motion slamming into other cars and grinding to a halt.

My plan, wisely, had been to acknowledge that it would take me a long time to get any climbing prowess back, and to start gently and regularly to rebuild my ability and fitness, which was wise. I just hadn't anticipated the fallout of detaching myself from climbing mentally as well as physically. It was a fairly horrible experience feeling my climbing life was over. Each time it gets harder and harder to come back from illness, injury, depression, lockdowns, as I get heavier and heavier and older and less fit, and it honestly felt too much this time, that I couldn't do it any more...

BUT.

It didn't continue that badly. I kept things ridiculously slow and steady. Easy bouldering whenever possible for two weeks, easy sport climbing similarly for two weeks after. While some of my peers were cranking hard in the Dales and others were exploring hard on the Moors, I was mundanely plodding on - but it's worked. I'm feeling okay and I'm climbing at a decent level, with decent inspiration and motivation, in half the time I expected.

So while it's fresh in my mind, I'm writing some notes to see if I can avoid or alleviate that horrible transition period after a prolonged time off, should it happen again in whatever form:


During time off - physical:

Fingerboarding - I did this, it was useful, I could have done more, see below:

Barbell - get a barbell for warming up. Warming up for any form of training was a pain in the arse. Running just exhausted me, walking did fuck all for my upper body. A barbell for all over body movements (I find a very lightweight clean and jerk into overhead squat to be really effective in sets) would have got me into training more.

Skin care - do some general skin toughening regularly, and more towards the end. My skin / pulp ended up as soft tender mush after lockdown, and this was as inhibitive as any other physical aspect. I could alleviate this by some skin sanding and also finding some grotty grit rat slimpers to drape off, as well as more anti-hydral before the end.

Core - train core as regularly as fingers. My core also ended up as soft tender mush - I felt I could hold on to holds (skin pain aside), but do fuck all to get my (very heavy) lower body to move upwards. Since this is easy to train on a bar / TRX / (side)planks etc, it would be easy to incorporate.

Flexibility - always useful to train. I didn't have any noticeable issues with this, but it is definitely something that could and should be done in any non-climbing scenario.

Keep moving in general - I did this. Regular walks and regular runs. This was utterly crucial as if I don't move my legs enough and other clots form, it could be a risk of life-threatening surgery / limb loss / etc. But I think I focused on running too much, and while it is beneficial to help slow the decline in fitness during non-climbing periods, it's detrimental enough to my mental health that it would have been better to do it less often, and other training more often (barbell etc).

During time off - mental:

Be aware the period will end - whether it's 7.5 weeks of lockdown or 3 months of lower limb injury or several months of tennis elbows, it will be finite. The lockdown didn't seem finite as it was new or unknown, but my very nihilistic and fatalistic approach didn't acknowledge the potential end, so I retreated from climbing and mostly from any training motivation. If I keep in mind that it will end, I will climb again, and anything I do towards that end will be beneficial, training and coming out of it could be a lot easier.

Be aware that while there will be loss in some areas, there can be gains in others - I know I will lose fitness, endurance, and especially power to weight during non-climbing periods. And that will suck, and I'll have to fight to get it back. BUT I won't have to lose everything, because other areas will be trainable, and I can maintain an even standard or even improve in those areas, e.g. finger strength, core, flexibility etc. I did this already when I mashed my leg muscles in winter 2017 - I got into fingerboarding and campussing and upper body gym work, and noticed the benefits then. Coming out of these periods with some gains makes it easier for the rest to catch up.

Detach from the speculation and politics, but not from the inspiration - I think I did a sensible, self-preserving thing by avoiding online discussion of Covid-5G and the lockdown in general, but I think I went too far isolating myself from climbing inspiration overall (I even gave up watching Ondra's Youtube channel FFS). I could have struck a balance and maintained some interest in climbing and training, if not the "scene".

Structure time more around training and less around extra-curricular activities - Again, I focused a bit too much on painting fucking space marines. A key evening structure was the fantastic PRSPCT Quaranstreams which genuinely brought a bit of fun to the lockdown, and signalled my painting time for the evening. This might have been better to signal my training hard time, especially given the quality musical content. Similarly painting goals "finish this Orc over this weekend" should have played a secondary roll to "Improve my hanging PB this weekend".


After time off:

Have the lowest possible expectations - mine were astonishingly low in terms of climbing performance, but clearly not low enough. The second time I went out, I readjusted my expectations to "don't have as miserable a time as last time", and that actually worked.

Focus on movement - this is one thing that can be done, and can be pleasurable, irrespective of other performance factors or lack thereof. Playing around on rocks (or plastic), revising the engrams, keeping the body in motion, loosening up to climbing movement. I did some of this but it could have been a more beneficial focus.

Start very easily and build up very gently - I did this. It worked.

Keep in mind that performance will return - my estimate was based on previous experience of taking time off climbing, i.e. it takes at least the same amount of regular climbing time as the time off to regain full performance. It was definitely quicker in this case, closer to 3.5 weeks than the expected 7.5 weeks. I suspect this is due to it not being injury / illness based, going into lockdown with decent climbing strength, and a bit of the training. Regardless, it is something positive I must keep in mind during the off-putting early days out.

Have numerous Plan Bs to take into account weather etc - by some utter and incomprehensible miracle, the desiccating 11 week ultra-drought through the entirety of lockdown didn't actually end exactly when lockdown ended, but continued for a merciful 3 further weeks. But if it hadn't? And there was another period with walls and gyms closed?? Sheltered, rainproof crags - even if that meant just doing single easy-ish moves on a top-rope at Max Buttress or lapping the same eliminate traverse at Frodsham or some bullshit like that. Always have a Plan B with UK climbing....