Dropping...

 
So last week I felt like I'd regained my fitness and strength and was climbing as good as I have in recent years - on sport onsighting and redpointing at least, I hadn't put it into practise on challenging trad, but I'd even got enough confidence back to be ready to do so. Not only that, I felt generally fit and good (digestion aside), and notably had walked out of Chee Dale to both Wormhill and Topley Pike without resting - almost as rewarding as the climbing, feeling that my body had re-adapted to regular usage and activity.

This week I can still walk, slowly, in a straight line. And that's pretty much it. I can't run, I can't boulder, I can't fall off, I can't do any sudden movements, I can't twist my leg, and I can't climb at any more than 30% capability (which feels more like 60% challenge as I've got to hang on every single move and test every single left foot placement to make sure it's safe and not going to aggravate my left leg). And I probably couldn't dance to gabber either, even if clubs were open.

What I've done is tweaked my MCL (the stabilising ligament on the inner side of the knee) on my left leg, doing a deep drop knee move. Or more specifically, doing a deep drop knee move that I'd never done before, which is the crux of a route right at my very limit, and in particularly doing it in poor conditions which forced me to try too hard as I was slipping off a handhold, and twist the drop knee far deeper than it should have been and far beyond what was safe. It is hopefully a relatively minor tweak, as there just a mild twinge - an unusual warning sign which caused me to drop off immediately - and no sharp pain, no pop, no sudden loss of stability, and no noticeable swelling. Nevertheless, it is definitely injured and inhibitive as above (and any inwards motion, especially with a bent leg, is definitely painful), and will take plentiful rest, rehab, and avoiding relaxed climbing motions.

I could write about the usual bollox this entails: how gutting it is to go so abruptly from good climbing fitness to hobbling around again, how particularly gutting that is after fighting to get that fitness back after lockdown, how even more gutting it is as I'm coming into potentially prime late summer / early autumn trad season (Red Walls and Range South unbanned etc) rather than coming into a dank winter, about how, despite what people say, I *WILL* lose fitness and strength that quickly (reading DMac's Make Or Break, there is some acknowledgement of this: "It is well understood that training gains in muscles strength and endurance are reversible, and that the losses of tissue status begin within a few days of ceasing training" // "Climbers tend to underestimate the effect of even a week of de-training on your ability to absorb hard physical work"). So far so dull.

Instead there's one issue I want to write about that isn't actually an issue. In the depressive state this sort of "emergency stop" injury brings on, it would be easy to lament "I can't try hard in climbing, I can't push myself too hard, my body can't take it, if I'm getting near the top of my game I'm just going to crash out again". Thankfully, this one worry isn't actually true (although it can happen that way).

In this case, my body was coping with and adapting to the demands of regularly fighting hard pretty well, and what went wrong was an outlier:

1. Drop knees are a risky move. Apparently so. I've heard rumours about them. Referring back to MOB: "Drop knees....are the most dangerous movements on rock" // "Drop knees....are used comparatively infrequently, yet demand large forces when they are used" // "Moves where you drop the knee and then move the hand all in one rapid motion may be particularly risky for knee ligaments" // "Possibly the most important preventative measure of knee injuries in climbing is awareness and concentration during dangerous moves such as drop knees."

2. I've never done proper drop knees before. I've done egyptians, sure. But never a proper drop knee where you dip the knee right down. If I have it was very brief and I can't remember it and I certainly haven't used one to try hard. I tend to climb either a bit more flaggy, or a bit more front on and squatty and rock-overy which suits my heavy but relatively un-weak thighs. So I have little experience in the technique and no whatsoever in the limits and risks. 

3. I was pushing too hard and losing judgement in poor conditions. I was, somewhat shamefully, getting a bit desperate for "the tick" and "getting the route done". Sure I was still enjoying the experience of the climbing and of trying it, but part of me was getting a bit obsessed and wanting to get it "out of the way". Shallow motivation that is easily aligned with a weak state of mind, including ignoring the increased difficulty due to poor conditions and still persisting to try to get that possibly unsuitably distant end result.

4. I may be more susceptible due to lack of gym training. According to the physio, the cruciate ligaments are the primary stabilisers in the knee joint, whilst the joining muscles are secondary supportive stabilisers. I don't know if regular gym work helps strengthen ligaments although it might well stimulate them, but the sort I do (short sets of heavier leg work) definitely strengthen the muscles and certainly tests knee stability on squats. I haven't been to the gym for 5 months (the longest period I can remember) due to the lockdown and gym closures and this might have been a problem.

5. So the cause was pretty much ignorance and susceptibility on a risky move. And that is both something that's not a particular problem with my body nor climbing, and something that I can learn from and be aware of. If I'd had a heel-toe in on a similar move in similar conditions, I'd have probably sacked that session off already due to the risk of ankle amputation - because I know the risks. Same with a high heel-hook. If I'd had to do a slap or lunge on a similar move in similar conditions, I'd have probably been fine as the consequences would have been a flapper or something minor. 

So now that's out of the way, what now??

Rest. Rehab. All the physio theraband / wobble board / straight leg etc exercises. Try to strengthen the ligament and the muscles. Avoid re-injury. Train my upper body as hard as possible whilst also avoiding injury. Gently experiment to see what climbing might be possible as I start to recover (my gut instinct is that the ledgiest and shuffliest ledge-shuffles of Anglesey and the Lleyn might be the best as the nature of the terrain not only rarely requires excessive exertion through the holds, in some ways it actively discourages it - whilst at the same time providing enough beauty, inspiration and fun to nourish my soul). Remain diligent. Remain open to possibilities. If recovered enough, try to extend the routes "away season" into autumn as far as the weather allows, and similarly try to start it as early as possible in spring, taking advantages of available sun-traps. 

777

As a change from grotty Peak lime, I was out for some grotty Clwyd lime (what it lacks in vegetation, it makes up for with in looseness) with mr Andy F the other day, and it was a 777 kind of day. After a warm-up, with both did What's Going On F7a */**/*** which was delightful steep slab climbing that suited my trad bumbling, Atmospheres F7a *** which was an antithesical battle through hanging overlaps (Andy at the belay: "I've been brutalised!") and good training for trad bumbling with both the style and a leg-pumping essential rest, and finally Prickly Heat F7a+ ** (conclusion: 3 hard 7a sections back to back with one shakeout adds up to more than 7a!) which Andy put the draws in and I somehow flashed via an absolute battle that has little to do with my trad bumbling except that if I could put that much determination in on trad I might actually get somewhere.

Anyway What's Going On was both the easiest and most enjoyable, just a lovely style of climbing, engaging but not stressful, exposed but not scary, and apparently "better than almost all 7as in the Peak". Which it might well be. But then again there are a lot of good / well-reputed 7as in the Peak, so what could be more suitable / boring / anally retentive than list most of them....

Done:

Exo6, Masson Lees? - was 7a when I did it. Remember it being heavily glued.

Hilti Sound System, Masson Lees - also heavily glued etc. Dunno if Masson counts as proper outdoor climbing?

Tucker's Grave, Intake Quarry?  - again 7a when I did it and can't remember fuck all.

This Is Not A Drill, Darlton Quarry - much better than a lone star, intense crux and nice finish.

Aperta, Hidden Quarry - ditto, nice wall with a balancy first crux and a cool go-for-it finish

Scratch Race, Plum Buttress - also underrated, cool boulder problem and very photogenic

Cairn, Harpur Hill - obvious, but it is that good

Lies And Deception, Smalldale - only one star but makes the list for quality.

Want to do:

Straight Jacket, Wildcat - no idea but worth an explore

Handy Wallhole, Dale Quarry - need to do this with slab ninja Coel

Supercrack, Lorry Park Quarry - keep putting it off but will get there one day

Too Monsterosity, Slaley Brook - went once but got distracted by Marble Wall

Fuck Your Gods, Masson Lees - when I've got over my masson tantrums

I Hate You, Stoney - great name, I've had good experiences of Stoney sport.

Demolition Man, Horseshoe - one for a nice winter's day?

An Ancient Rhythm, Horseshoe - ditto

Lead Vein Thrombosis Deep Rake - gotta do this just for the name

Red Mist, Goddard's Wall - no idea if it's good but 1 star 7as around these parts usually are!

Rubicon, Water-cum-jolly - put it off for 15 years....maybe I will be strong enough soon?

Max Head Room, Max Buttress - max routes are pokey

Up The River, The Cornice - almost dry enough the other day

Clarion Call, The Cornice - still putting this off, or getting distracted

White Gold, Chee Tor - one for a fresh bone dry day as a warm-up for the trad?

Go Cat, Dog's Dinner Buttress - just for the name!

Case Adjourned, Two Tier - obvious

Darl, Two Tier - lovely spot

Quality Control, Two Tier - this too

Monkey Magic, Cowdale - probably nails but worth a shot

The Prophecy, Harpur Hill - will get around to it at some point

First Offence, Smalldale - ditto    

Can Boys, Smalldale - ditto

Attempted:

Long Black Veil, Masson Lees - blew the final move inches from success. massive tourettestantrum

Une Crime Passionel, The Cornice - now 7a due to hold loss in upper groove. was close. nails but cool start.

Armistice Day, The Cornice - 7a+ in reality so not bothered, especially since I don't fit the kneebar.

The conclusion being.... I really don't have enough experience to make any judgements about it. Not that should stop me normally, but maybe since I'm kinda getting used to inland lime, I should try to tackle some of these this year. Perhaps 7 of them...

Lime Time

So, I come out of lockdown, woefully unfit and weak, in desperate need of training, and the bloody climbing walls are closed. So what's the next best option?? Well, UK inland limestone is only marginally worse than climbing indoors, and desperate times call for desperate measures... I've sat on bolts, I've sat on pads, I've sat on my wee camping stool and very occasionally I've sat on top of a crag or at the chains of a sport route, all in the company of the usual polished knobbly blotchy choss or tottering dusty quarried choss. Still the dales are lovely once you're not battling through nettles to reach vertical turf sandbag trad that hasn't been climbed since the 80s and the quarries are tolerable if you ignore the surroundings and just focus on the lone 10% of vaguely aesthetic rock in front of your face. So in celebration of this, and in no order whatsoever, here's a Top Ten of the least worst limestone I've done recently:

Lady Of Satan, Avon Gorge
In complete contrast to the rest of the list, this off-piste gem on Avon Gorges' Leigh Wood's Quarry 5's Red Wall was straight out of Gogarth's Red Wall, and thus automatically excellent. An inland adventure featuring ledge-shuffling at it's finest - easy, unnerving, and life-affirming. This brought a grin to my face and definitely cleared some of the sterile bolt-clipping cobwebs away.

Supercalorific, Torbay
I didn't think that a snatched day out burning off the long drive aches and stiffness on an "in-law" visit to Sidmouth would involve doing the best F6a+ in the UK, but there we go. An immaculate sheet of flowstone with constant technicalites and variety.

Paranoid Eyes, Low Stony Bank
Just slightly easier than the "2 grades easier" battle of Visionhurry to the left, this was the most enjoyable pitch during a long and long overdue mileage day at the Stony Banks. A lovely location in a discreet river valley above Gordale, and one of the many recent throbbing hotspots of relentless unconsulted blanket retro-bolting of Yorkshire trad routes. Still, some of the older (retroed?) lines are pretty nice especially this triple-crux line that was never desperate but always interesting.

Short Problem, Blackwell Dale
Recced after an unproductive visit to the "Cucket Delf for the 7C" climber shit-pit that is Lee's Bottom, which mostly involved discovering that 7C climbers can't grade """6C""" problems for shit. SP seemed a much more feasible proposition, so the only option was to come back fresher, and of course in the pissing rain, which often makes lime grot more satisfying. A cool, distinctive problem for easier lime, given it has an obvious start and finish and independent climbing.

The Pinch, Pleasley Vale
Another "conditions snatching" trip at a fresh and bone dry Pleasley whilst it was honking down across The Peaks. Did a bit of trad which mostly involved soloing highball boulder problems then fiddling in a couple of small cams for "scrambling remains" finish, then got involved with this semi-classic reachy burlfest and somehow managed to get it after a proper fight.

Coming Up For Air, Moat Buttress
At it's correct grade of F7b+ of course - slightly easier than Garderobe which I also did and is objectively better, but CUFA felt more enjoyable to me as it was my first redpoint of the season. I'd lowered down Moat People after flashing Moat Afloat, but the flakes and gastons of CUFA kept catching my eye so I gave it a go, found the moves suited me, and got quite excited. The highlight was actually my first redpoint attempt, getting to the final teetery rockover, being a bit unsettled, and blowing it - taking a good fall and realising how close I was, were both as satisfying as when I actually did it.

Helicon, Stoney Middleton
Slowly easing back into trad although this one isn't that easy! A super-direct line apart from the gorse cornice shuffle at the top, with 3 cruxes and plenty of interest, well worth the wee scramble to get there. I'm hoping to gradually work my way through more Stoney trad as a useful mileage location.

The Calcspa, Slaley Brook
A typical oasis of calm rock in a maelstorm of swirling rubble - really surprisingly pleasant. This I think is the line of the craglet, genuinely pleasant and amenable climbing up strong calcite flowstone features.

Aperta, Hidden Quarry
The first of two nu-school classics opposite the old-skool sport misery that is Horseshoe. I had a great day getting back into things here with ron-hill-dark-horse mark20, and this route with it's two distinct cruxes, one delicate and the other reachy and cranky, was the highlight.

This Is Not A Drill, Dalton Quarry
And the second nu-school quarried classic, this time the sheet of rock is even more elegant on it's own and the surroundings of tottering rubble are even more disturbing. But on this route after a very cranky, committing crux you can motor to a tiny rest niche and turn around and just stand there and admire the sun-blasted view of desolation whilst relaxing for a gently burly finish. My favourite rest ledge so far....

In summary:

Stony Bank. Idyllic.

Short Problem. Less idyllic, but fun.

That Digestion Thing

Recently I wrote a sensible and neutral-ish description of my DVT issue and how it affects me. I'm now doing the same for the digestive disorder I have because although it is on paper a much less serious issue, it actually affects me and especially my mindstate a lot more regularly and prominently. This is probably even less interesting than the DVTs and I'm writing it partly to clear my head a bit.

What do I have?

Some form of chronic-but-subsiding gastroenteritis. Since the workings of the digestion are a bit mysterious it's only really describable in general terms, such as a gastroenterologist's diagnosis of "Post Viral IBS Of The Upper Digestive Tract" (different to food-sensitive diarrhoea / constipation-prone IBS of the lower digestive tract). Perhaps more pertinent is a stool test result that shows the disorder manifesting as: some inflammation, some difficulty digesting fats, and a lot of bacterial imbalance - this may well be equivalent to SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth) Blood tests and an endoscopy have shown nothing significant. The crude bicarbonate of soda stomach acid test has indicated I have greatly reduced stomach acid.

Why did it happen?

In 2017 I fell off a route on gritstone and bashed up the side of my leg (no break, just a lot of soft-tissue / muscle damage). I went to Macclesfield A&E for an x-ray, I was careless with my hand hygiene (in particular a minimal rinsing of my fingers after going to the loo, just before eating a pack of nuts), and contracted some form of acute gastroenteritis, probably norovirus. This was an utterly horrendous experience in itself: BUT, my leg was already very swollen, and logically my body was putting all it's healing resources into that mild-but-large trauma, and thus not into healing my gut damage from the norovirus (especially with a few days living off a few hundred calories). So, my gut never healed (in comparison to my partner who caught the norovirus off me, was even more acutely ill, but recovered in a week or so).

What are the symptoms?

Primary
General queasiness - most of the time I feel a little bit mildly nauseous. Not much, but I never really feel 100% (and the few times I do, it's very noticeable how different and "clear" it feels).

Prominent queasiness when hungry - the feeling increases if I haven't eaten enough nor regularly enough (especially after coffee). Instead of just feeling hungry, I can end up feeling quite sick but still having to eat. This is completely different to previously when my digestion was *very* tolerant of long periods of not eating.

Regular indigestion after larger meals - including slightly more queasiness, bloating, and lots of gurgling (the latter okay in itself but not so okay in combination). This includes larger meals as in a normal / smallish evening meal, again this is very different to previously when I could eat massive meals and only feel "stuffed".

Sporadic nausea bouts - these are thankfully getting more sporadic, but are really grim for me when they happen. Often in the middle of the night, constant nausea that I can't sleep through (i.e. feeling too sick to drink water or clean my teeth), followed by at least a day of feeling wasted and only able to eat a tiny amount of bland food. In the early days these were happening every few weeks without fail, thankfully they're much less these days.

Secondary
Low energy - as it says. I don't have as much energy, I'm physically and mentally more tired, and run out of energy quicker in a day (despite healthy balanced regular snacking).

Increased weight gain - no, I'm not sure how the fuck this works either. I'm eating much more healthily, more "little and often" style, much less carb-based etc (see below), and I'm putting on weight quicker than previously. My best guess is a combination of possibly eating a little bit more (because I have to keep eating to stop the hunger-queasiness), and my digestion being worse at processing food (it seems to be processing into fat rather than into energy??).

Lower moods - I've put this in "Secondary" but it has been a massive factor at certain points!! As an example, June 2018 I travelled to the Peaks for The Seaside premier after a nausea bout, with the worst depression I'd had for over a decade - I felt like a hollow shell, a zombie shambling around pretending to be Fiend on the outside, with nothing on the inside. There's a few aspects to this: Firstly I'm mildly emetophobic, so the queasiness and nausea really creeps me out - yes this sucks, yes I'd rather have a lower digestive tract based disorder! Or none at all. Secondly there's a lot made of the gut-brain axis and the vagus nerve connecting them, and for me the nausea bouts result in subsequent bouts  of sadness (like actual sorrow, rather than the bleakness of depression afterwards). Thirdly the mild or occasionally prominent debilitation of the queasiness is a constant distraction and inhibition that just gets me down. As I've written previously, I don't feel like a shadow of my former self, but I sometimes feel like a monochrome version.

What it doesn't affect:

No excrementary disorder - okay I shit like a fucking cow but am pretty regular and generally have little diarrhoea and no constipation.
No actual vomiting - thank fuck.
No particular triggering due to particular foods - my cooking is quite spicy and flavoured, and occasionally I'll have a curry treat, and there's generally little response unless I eat too much (or pulses, which give me gas).

Treatment?

The general treatment after consultation with several different specialists / nutritionists is: A restricted diet to reduce stress / work for the gut, combined with better nutrition and digestive supplements.
Diet: greatly reduced: wheat, gluten, dairy (some main stressors for digestion), processed foods, excess sugar, alcohol, pulses (the latter mostly to avoid bloating / gas).
Increased: lean proteins, leafy greens, berry fruits, oats.
Supplements: pro-biotics, pre-biotics, omega oils, l-glutamine (strengthen small intestine lining), gi-sol (attempting to crowd out excess bacteria), ox bile (assists fat digestion), digestive enzymes with HCL (I accidentally had one of these break whilst dry swallowing and yes fuck me they definitely have some acid in them!!)

Is this all helping?? I don't know. Find me the control Fiend who can still eat pizza and have a pastry-based breakfast, not eat for 8 hours, have a massive evening meal and still feel fine, and compare us?? The treatments make logical sense and mostly correlate with each other and, despite being sometimes infuriating and expensive, are manageable. I am slowly getting better, but I have no idea if I'd be getting better regardless or whether I'd still be significantly ill without any of the changes. It's taking fucking ages but the more I look into it, the more complex and obscure the digestion is - and you can't just isolate it and give it a rest like you would with a broken limb. Fixing the digestion is like trying to fix a car engine.....whilst you're still constantly driving.

Symptomatic alleviation with: Prochlorperazine (this stuff is a fucking miracle and the only thing that can touch the nausea bouts), ginger (helps a little bit with queasiness), heat pack on torso (reclining with one of these and some ginger when I have indigestion does help a bit).

The climbing lifestyle: impinged by the issue:

See the secondary effects above - these quite clearly impact on me as a climber. Being heavy and tired and depressed isn't great. Neither are the nausea bouts and although they're sporadic they can still fuck things up: As an example, I was in North Wales bouldering in early October, staying in a charming and thankfully mostly empty mini-hostel in Blaenau. The first day out I felt a bit queasy in the day due to hunger. I had an okay evening meal, went to bed, and woke about 2-ish feeling really sick.  Took two prochloroperazine, but even with those and a middle-of-the-night shit, ended up propped up in bed drifting in and out of nausea until I finally got to sleep about 5-ish. Somehow I managed to summon enough energy for a bit of bouldering the next day, had a very mild and early evening meal, went to bed and had a second nausea bout and didn't get to sleep till past 2.... Distinctly sub-optimal.

There's a few subtleties too: It's harder to feel motivated and fired up and to visual climbing because I've realised that a lot of that comes from feeling strong all over, and a lot of that comes from the core. Imagine pulling any sort of hard move....it will almost always involve some power through the core. Now imagine sitting in a car heading out somewhere, trying to get psyched by visualising those hard moves....and when it comes to the core it's all just wobbly and delicate and out-of-sorts - it's surprising how inhibitive it is!

Logistically it's harder to plan things and be a reliable partner (although I've only had to let people down a few times), it takes me a lot longer to get going and feel ready for action, it's harder to get easy snacking and nutrition out and about in climbing areas, I have to pay more attention to eating and also comfortable accommodation. I'm becoming even more of a fussy fanny, not through choice but necessity.

As I say, things are improving over time. I had hoped to eat a celebratory pizza in November 2018 because surely I'd feel better enough then. That was pushed back to 2019. Now it's pushed back to 2020....I've forgotten what fucking pizza tastes like now!!

Anyway, next time - I talk about climbing, and choss :).

Notes To Self About Time Off

Lockdown finished, I went outside of the M60 ring road for the first time in nearly 8 weeks, and to warm back into climbing gently, I went to Cottage Rocks in The Churnet. It was a beautiful setting, glorious sunny but cool and breezy weather, the rock was in good condition. I did a few Font 5s. My skin lasted 5 problems, my motivation lasted 2. I felt depressed, apathetic and uninspired - and even less like a climber than I did during lockdown (i.e. not at all).

Coming out of it was in some ways worse than being in it - having "tactically" retreated into a semi-depressive rut of painting fucking space marines, and then having the abrupt opportunity to get back out and live my life again....was a bit like a car unexpectedly in gear in a crowded parking lot?? With a quick and shocking motion slamming into other cars and grinding to a halt.

My plan, wisely, had been to acknowledge that it would take me a long time to get any climbing prowess back, and to start gently and regularly to rebuild my ability and fitness, which was wise. I just hadn't anticipated the fallout of detaching myself from climbing mentally as well as physically. It was a fairly horrible experience feeling my climbing life was over. Each time it gets harder and harder to come back from illness, injury, depression, lockdowns, as I get heavier and heavier and older and less fit, and it honestly felt too much this time, that I couldn't do it any more...

BUT.

It didn't continue that badly. I kept things ridiculously slow and steady. Easy bouldering whenever possible for two weeks, easy sport climbing similarly for two weeks after. While some of my peers were cranking hard in the Dales and others were exploring hard on the Moors, I was mundanely plodding on - but it's worked. I'm feeling okay and I'm climbing at a decent level, with decent inspiration and motivation, in half the time I expected.

So while it's fresh in my mind, I'm writing some notes to see if I can avoid or alleviate that horrible transition period after a prolonged time off, should it happen again in whatever form:


During time off - physical:

Fingerboarding - I did this, it was useful, I could have done more, see below:

Barbell - get a barbell for warming up. Warming up for any form of training was a pain in the arse. Running just exhausted me, walking did fuck all for my upper body. A barbell for all over body movements (I find a very lightweight clean and jerk into overhead squat to be really effective in sets) would have got me into training more.

Skin care - do some general skin toughening regularly, and more towards the end. My skin / pulp ended up as soft tender mush after lockdown, and this was as inhibitive as any other physical aspect. I could alleviate this by some skin sanding and also finding some grotty grit rat slimpers to drape off, as well as more anti-hydral before the end.

Core - train core as regularly as fingers. My core also ended up as soft tender mush - I felt I could hold on to holds (skin pain aside), but do fuck all to get my (very heavy) lower body to move upwards. Since this is easy to train on a bar / TRX / (side)planks etc, it would be easy to incorporate.

Flexibility - always useful to train. I didn't have any noticeable issues with this, but it is definitely something that could and should be done in any non-climbing scenario.

Keep moving in general - I did this. Regular walks and regular runs. This was utterly crucial as if I don't move my legs enough and other clots form, it could be a risk of life-threatening surgery / limb loss / etc. But I think I focused on running too much, and while it is beneficial to help slow the decline in fitness during non-climbing periods, it's detrimental enough to my mental health that it would have been better to do it less often, and other training more often (barbell etc).

During time off - mental:

Be aware the period will end - whether it's 7.5 weeks of lockdown or 3 months of lower limb injury or several months of tennis elbows, it will be finite. The lockdown didn't seem finite as it was new or unknown, but my very nihilistic and fatalistic approach didn't acknowledge the potential end, so I retreated from climbing and mostly from any training motivation. If I keep in mind that it will end, I will climb again, and anything I do towards that end will be beneficial, training and coming out of it could be a lot easier.

Be aware that while there will be loss in some areas, there can be gains in others - I know I will lose fitness, endurance, and especially power to weight during non-climbing periods. And that will suck, and I'll have to fight to get it back. BUT I won't have to lose everything, because other areas will be trainable, and I can maintain an even standard or even improve in those areas, e.g. finger strength, core, flexibility etc. I did this already when I mashed my leg muscles in winter 2017 - I got into fingerboarding and campussing and upper body gym work, and noticed the benefits then. Coming out of these periods with some gains makes it easier for the rest to catch up.

Detach from the speculation and politics, but not from the inspiration - I think I did a sensible, self-preserving thing by avoiding online discussion of Covid-5G and the lockdown in general, but I think I went too far isolating myself from climbing inspiration overall (I even gave up watching Ondra's Youtube channel FFS). I could have struck a balance and maintained some interest in climbing and training, if not the "scene".

Structure time more around training and less around extra-curricular activities - Again, I focused a bit too much on painting fucking space marines. A key evening structure was the fantastic PRSPCT Quaranstreams which genuinely brought a bit of fun to the lockdown, and signalled my painting time for the evening. This might have been better to signal my training hard time, especially given the quality musical content. Similarly painting goals "finish this Orc over this weekend" should have played a secondary roll to "Improve my hanging PB this weekend".


After time off:

Have the lowest possible expectations - mine were astonishingly low in terms of climbing performance, but clearly not low enough. The second time I went out, I readjusted my expectations to "don't have as miserable a time as last time", and that actually worked.

Focus on movement - this is one thing that can be done, and can be pleasurable, irrespective of other performance factors or lack thereof. Playing around on rocks (or plastic), revising the engrams, keeping the body in motion, loosening up to climbing movement. I did some of this but it could have been a more beneficial focus.

Start very easily and build up very gently - I did this. It worked.

Keep in mind that performance will return - my estimate was based on previous experience of taking time off climbing, i.e. it takes at least the same amount of regular climbing time as the time off to regain full performance. It was definitely quicker in this case, closer to 3.5 weeks than the expected 7.5 weeks. I suspect this is due to it not being injury / illness based, going into lockdown with decent climbing strength, and a bit of the training. Regardless, it is something positive I must keep in mind during the off-putting early days out.

Have numerous Plan Bs to take into account weather etc - by some utter and incomprehensible miracle, the desiccating 11 week ultra-drought through the entirety of lockdown didn't actually end exactly when lockdown ended, but continued for a merciful 3 further weeks. But if it hadn't? And there was another period with walls and gyms closed?? Sheltered, rainproof crags - even if that meant just doing single easy-ish moves on a top-rope at Max Buttress or lapping the same eliminate traverse at Frodsham or some bullshit like that. Always have a Plan B with UK climbing....

That DVT Thing

Recently I ranted on social media about the lockdown and running and fitness in the context of having DVTs, and a couple of people asked sensible questions so I thought I'd write a sensible and neutral-ish description of my DVT issue and how it affects me. This is based on my experience and some consultation with specialists, but there are various aspects that I don't know how they happen, I just know they do happen.

What do I have?

As per doctor's notes: "Extensive Bilateral Deep Vein Thrombosis of the Pelvic and Iliac veins". This means that the main veins returning from my legs are blocked around my groin / pelvis / upper leg area by blood clots (one of these measured on a MRI scan as 1cm x 3cm), and all the returning blood flow is taken up by smaller surrounding collateral veins (more on them later).

Why did it happen?

The root cause, determined after MANY tests when I was hospitalised in summer 2009 when the DVTs occurred, is slower lower limb venous return caused by a Congenital Aplasic Inferior Vena Cava. This means that the main vein in my chest, that returns from my lower body, never developed from birth (it disappears into "thready tissue" and reappears later). Again, the returning blood flow is taken up by collateral veins. The effect is that my lower body venous return has always been slow, and this allowed clots to form in otherwise innocuous circumstances (too much redpoint belaying? too much running? too little deadlifting? No-one knows the trigger, just the "bomb" waiting to go off). CAIVC is a very rare but known cause of DVTs.

Venous return:

The issue now, with stable clots that are unlikely to cause further damage, is simply one of venous return: Blood flows into my legs, gets de-oxygenated by muscle usage, and can't flow back up quickly enough to get re-oxygenated. Thus my legs get very tired from lack of oxygen, my heart gets very tired trying to pump blood around a slow moving system, and my lungs get very tired from trying to re-oxygenate the blood. So lower limb aerobic exercise is a LOT harder and more tiring for me. It's worth noting that I do recover fairly quickly during intra-exercise rests, especially reclined, as the blood has chance to flow back.

The motorway analogy:

The collateral veins are now doing the work around my pelvis AND around my non-IVC. But they're a lot smaller than the main veins (and in the pelvic area, they're mature veins and harder to re-develop). A good analogy: Take the main veins as motorways, with normal motorway traffic. The IVC motorway gets closed from birth, so traffic is quickly re-routed onto an adjacent A road (collateral). This is slower, but it's only just opened and is in open land, so it gets expanded to cope with this sudden new traffic flow - maybe to become a dual carriageway A road, taking a fair bit of traffic, but a 50mph limit and sodding average speed cameras, so it's still slower overall. A few decades later, the Pelvic / Iliac motorway also gets closed, but this time traffic can only be re-routed on an adjacent B road....and this single carriageway B road is in solid, immovable terrain, with little expansion potential. Maybe the verges get trimmed a bit more now it's got a motorway's worth of traffic chugging along it, but it's now really damn slow.

Can it be operated on?

2010's private consultation answer was: No, not justifiably. The clots start as a jelly-like mass, then solidify into scar-like tissue that fuses with the vein wall, so they can't just be "drilled out". It is theoretically possible to operate to do a venous bypass, but this was described as a "life threatening" operation and would only be considered if there were life (or maybe limb) threatening consequences of not operating. Despite the disadvantages, I am a (very?) high functioning DVT patient, so no, no-one would consider any operations.

Treatment?

Remain active, keep legs moving, elevate legs if needed, take anti-coagulants (to prevent further clotting), wear compression stockings (to encourage blood flow from lower legs - this seems a bit strange as they're not that tight, but yes they do work, after a few days exercise without them, I developed a blood blister rash on my calves).

What the issue actually affects:

Primary:

Lower limb aerobic exercise - this is the most noticeable effect, see elsewhere for a rough estimate as to how much. Running and walking uphill (especially with a rucsac) are problematic, as is cycling. I've gone from 45 minute road runs pre-DVTs to 15 minutes - and I now get DOMS from a 15 minute jog if I haven't done one for a while. Walking wise, I have to stop every several minutes on normal inclines, or every few minutes on steeper slopes. A good example: Walking into the Plantation with two small pads and a small sac, I can almost always get to the Plantation boulders okay, but getting to the crag above I'd need a rest mid-way. Or just before lockdown, I managed to walk into Stanage Popular End from the normal parking in one (slow) go, and that was notably good.

Standing up for long periods - generally gives me tired and achey legs with a swelling feel. Logic suggests this isn't good, so if I have to be still it's better to sit or lie.

Quick loss of fitness and mobility from inactivity - this is harder to explain, but it's very prominent. If I'm inactive (i.e. inactive apart from day to day walking, not "inactive" like Dave Mac running up Ben Nevis for his "rest day") for any sustained period of time (days rather than hours), my whole body, especially my legs, "slows down", I find it disproportionately hard to perform any physical activity, and it takes more and more exercise sessions to get moving normally again. I don't know the mechanics of this, I just know it happens, and it didn't before DVTs (and conversely, very regular exercise is a good buffer against this).

Secondary:
Constant weight gain due to difficulty doing conventional CV exercise which is almost always lower-limb based / biased.

Generally requiring more sleep - possibly due to more energy usage daily? Or the need to lie down to allow easier venous return?

What it doesn't affect:

It doesn't seem to affect: Leg strength (I've done numerous weight training PBs since) - climbing-wise this includes rockovers, but also falling off bouldering and cushioning the impact, long duration low level exercise (I can walk on the flat indefinitely), flexibility, walking downhill (no knee issues)  nor, as far as I can tell, injury susceptibility. It doesn't affect any functionality of my upper body. It doesn't seem to affect swimming (the lack of gravity against blood flow helps). It affects skiing a bit, but it's partly compensated there by leg strength, and in European resorts I get enough rest on seated lifts. It doesn't affect my capacity to travel or take flights, any issues there are alleviated by anti-coagulants, compression stockings, and regular movements.

A crude guesstimate of aerobic ability / venous return:

I don't know exactly how much/little blood flow return I now have from my lower legs. You could cut my torso / legs across like a tree trunk and work it out from the relative vein diameters. But other than that, I just rely on a running comparison: In 2008 I started running (to combat weight gain due to less climbing due to golfer's elbow). I'd never run before and I still had that niggling (but completely unknown) aplasic IVC slowing things down, so initially I could do 15 minutes or so, and worked up to doing 45 minute road runs - this was in Sheffield which is a lot hillier than Glasgow / Manchester! In 2009 I got the DVTs and in 2010 I started running again from scratch, starting with 10 mins and working up to doing....15 mins....sometimes. Occasionally I can do 20 mins if everything goes perfectly but really 15 mins is my maximum compared to 45 mins previously. So I make that 33% lower limb aerobic fitness (LLAF), maybe that means 33% venous return??

BUT this is 33% of my previous fitness, which was itself hampered by my non-IVC - maybe 75% of a normal persons? That would fit with how I've always relatively struggled with leg fitness exercises, and seems about right compared to my then peers. So it's actually 33% of 75%.....25% of a venously normal person's LLAF. Obviously this is is a very crude estimate. It could be pessimistic because I have an extra 10kg of weight to carry on runs these days, but it's more likely optimistic because I now have 10 years of sporadic running "training" instead of just one, and I've also been doing a lot more lower-limb strengthening exercises than previously, which have had a beneficial effect. Suffice to say it's a LOT less venous return than normal, and so far it's simply not possible to change that. 

The climbing lifestyle: working around the issue:

This is another area where I don't know all the mechanisms nor explanations, I just know the effects. In normal circumstances, I have a fairly consistent climbing lifestyle, with some days / etc out climbing, regular wall sessions, occasional gym sessions and occasional runs. This includes overall: bouldering, sport, trad, easy walking with a sack, harder walking with a sack, moving / scrambling around crags, indoor bouldering, jumping off lots, indoor routes, stamina circuits, a bit of hanging, low rep but heavy weights, core / antagonist work, some gym CV, and short runs.

What I have found, repeatedly and consistently, that a constant, regular level of "mixed" (and climbing days out are usually inherently mixed in themselves) activity has been very beneficial - to the point I have considered it ESSENTIAL in the context of my DVT issue for the last decade - and considerably more beneficial for lower-limb aerobic fitness than actually focusing more on LLAF (using running and up-hill walking as benchmarks). During times where I've been able to climb outside for more consecutive periods, generally I've done less lower-limb aerobic training (and naturally I've often avoided challenging walk-ins), and have found very clear improvements in my LLAF. At other times, I've avoided LLAF for a while and instead done a "heavy" gym session or two, I've then gone for a run fully expecting it to be dire after little running and heavier weights, and it's again been notably better.

Obviously this is not climbing lifestyle specific - it could be any lifestyle that involved "mixed" activity on a regular basis (surfing? gym bunny? kayaking?). And obviously this is somewhat problematic with situations like lockdown that prevent such a mixed approach.

So that's how living with DVTs functions for me, based on near 11 years of post-DVT experience. It's still an odd blend of functionalities, given that that the issue is "hidden" in a lot of circumstances / movements. The psychology of it is another issue, but in normal circumstances I usually spend 50% of the time ignoring it all, 25% of the time feeling angry and frustrated, and 25% of the time feeling happy and proud about what I've managed to do despite this issue (these percentages do change in relation to other health issues, weight and fitness, though). 

Failure

Theme tune for now (but without the uplifting twist)....



This was originally - a couple of months ago - going to be a blog post about struggling with the alarmingly familiar failure to get back into trad climbing after a successful and very consistent half-year bouldering campaign, along with with a suggestion that those who don't struggle with failure nor climbing psychology, or choose to do a climbing genre that is much less susceptible to it, might want to stop reading, and those who like to smugly rubberneck someone's struggles from their own superior abilities might want to fuck right off.

Since then, due to the coronavirus lockdown, it's more about contemplating failure on a more persistent level. There are many things that could be said about covid-19 and lockdowns, about the spirit of the law vs the letter of the law, the cure vs the disease, death vs disruption, about quality of life and it's inherent finiteness, about the realistic risks in socially distant activities, about social / emotional / physical costs, about blanket rules, about holier-than-thou judgementalism and turning on each other - I have no comment on any of them.

Instead this is about my climbing (again if this is inappropriate subject matter, find that Back button asap) and, of course, lack thereof. And failure, and the likelihood thereof. I don't know when the current situation will end, and I don't know what climbing state I will be after it (going into it, I was motivationally and physically good at least). I suspect when this.....confinement is over and at least some climbers are unleashed upon the crags, frothing like dogs on heat, imbued with the power of endless fingerboarding sessions and home-workouts straight off a billion fucking social media videos, with their topped up CV fitness from actually effective daily allowances of running and cycling, I will be crawling out on leaden legs and subdued psychology wondering if I can walk in to Stanage let alone do some HVSes there.

(Although that might all be academic given that this unprecedented and utterly farcical mega-drought will come to an end - quite possibly an exactly coincident end - at some point)

For a decade I have known that the climbing lifestyle is essential for me, not as a matter as of mere hedonistic pleasure, but as an overall level of activity that keeps me fit and healthy, keeps my entire body moving, and compensates for the limits of my 30%-venous-return legs. This is not some kneejerk reaction to justify why I need to be out (or in) climbing, as I wrote about this in one of my earliest blog posts whilst learning to cope with DVTs:

Every step I've taken, every length I've swum, every stretch I've done, every time I've sat in an awkward position with my legs up so they didn't swell, every time I've dilligently asked the doctors about what I can do to help my healing, every time I've rested when I didn't feel like it, every time I've been conscious to take care of myself, every little bit I've pushed to get my fitness back, it's been because there's something I want that fitness for - living a good life in general, and living a climbing lifestyle....which is pretty damn good ;). I make no claims of greatness, but I feel happy and proud to have this attitude and happy and proud that climbing is a big part of it.

Further, it is fairly essential to help alleviate my digestive issues (everyone I've consulted has highlighted the need to reduce overall stress, and climbing is a key de-stressor / meditative process, also the level of activity helps with my metabolism and appetite), AND to alleviate my long term psychological issues (it gives me something to live for and fight for, as alluded to above). Incidentally, yes I coped okay with several months off with a broken foot in 2005 - 15 years younger and pre-DVTs, and with several weeks off with mashed soft-tissue in 2017 - with lots of regular gym and upper-body-only wall visits. Different situations.

In the current situation I have been doing the best I can - running most days and longer gentle walks on "rest" days. And the usual fingerboarding shit although the best exercise with that was trying to drill the fucker in to solid tungsten pretending to be brick. The result of this regular CV exercise: very slowly worsening running (a tiny decrease but noticeable), achy legs, slightly sore lower back, general sluggishness. Past experience has proven to me that extended climbing periods or intermittent heavy gym sessions have noticeably improved my running and thus my fitness (even when I've been rarely doing it), whilst running itself hasn't. Strange? Yes. I have a strange body. This is NOT a matter of specific exercises nor will it be miraculously alleviated by doing fucking yoga nor burpees (clue: burpees are really leg-reliant). It's a matter of an overall active lifestyle that is currently "banned".

"Staying inside and painting marines" has proven to be damaging to my physical and mental health and this time is no exception. The effect on my climbing will be at least as detrimental - in recent years it's taken me at least the same amount of time as  the "time off" period to recover so I do not have high hopes this time.

Finally, some media from.....previously....